Last entry

Dear Jesus,

although this is not my last entry…this is my last time writing on here. I had grown to like the community. Today, I looked back on some entries of other people. I never knew so many people were battling cancer. It’s funny how they have maybe just one entry about the cancer, but the rest is about love & life. If I had cancer, I don’t know how I’d act. I’d be so upset about losing my hair. I’d be so upset about having to do all the things associated with taking care of myself like undergoing chemo. A person with strawberry in their name just asked if cancer was their karma. She said that she thought she was a good person. I think I’m a good person too…but I also stole a peanut butter sandwich from a kids lunch box yesterday. And I also took his banana. I’m not terrible but I be doing something’s that are a little not nice. I will get into a car accident and then pull a Halle berry and run off. I haven’t done that in forever but I have two or three times in my life. I stopped stealing…well besides kids unwanted food. I get so lost at times….i don’t know how to feel at times. I get so overwhelmed Jesus. I don’t want to be this way. I want to live a long time. I’m struggling with knowing what to do about ky job, what to do about life, what to do about my career…where should I be? What should I do about my lease? I just don’t understand and that’s why I’m asking you Lord to help me. Guide my steps. It is said that you know the numbers of hair on my head and what my story is from beginning to end….but I want my story to be spectacular….what can I do to ensure it goes down that path?

I am quite tired. I have about 1.5 hours longer to sleep. My friend is coming over and I’m happy about that. We fight often. I think we are nearing the end of our friendship though, he’s made it explicitly clear how he desires me.

I just wish I had ONE TRUE FRIEND. Girl or boy…I’d prefer a male friend. I just need someone who doesn’t like me or has resentment towards me because I don’t like them back(Erica). I just want someone who is patient and listens and has wisdom and roots for me. That sounds like a man I’d like to date…because I still don’t want to share my bed with anyone. It’s messed up. I wish I could sleep in bed with other people but I can’t. I like to sleep naked most of the time. And sometimes, I sleep allllll over the bed….and I LOVE my alone time. It would be so hard for me to be around someone every single day. I’d want a break! I wouldn’t mind finding my true love when I’m older…ready to settle down and live with someone….maybe around 70 years old. I belive it would be cool to spend my last years with someone….maybe live in a house and maybe he has kids or not…but someone will take care of us. I don’t know. I wouldn’t mind living like ms. Smith at 92…but one thing I’m going to do now until then is take care of my body. Watching what I eat, drink, and taking the time to workout and most of all…sleep properly.

Jesus, please protect me from ms. D’Souza and esqisino and anyone else that I may not be aware of. Let me know what to do about Brandon Simpson, Irock and anyone else…

please protect me from all evil forces. Please watch over me. Please most of all, let me be still enough for you to speak to me, oh lord.

thank you for everything you’ve done for me Jesus.

p.s. If anyone reads this, please give a heart. Or message me and let me know where you are going to for journal entries now…