Let go of the ashes

Dear Jesus,

i woke up an hour and a half early. I’m still tired and wish to sleep more. I heard the voice of Joel Osteen in Mrs. Smithy’s bedroom. I crawled in bed with her to listen to listen to her tv. Joel Osteen said to get rid of all entanglements because it’s the Devils way to get you distracted. Yesterday, my friend sent me a sermon (that I only listened for a few seconds), and it gave the same sermon – about getting rid of distractions.
I feel upset…I know that confirmation. I know it’s really time to quit smoking weed. I need to stay on the high road.

dont lose the greatness in you because you got sidetracked, Joel Osteen says.

i want my career so bad. I remember being distracted so bad with bad boyfriends and a lot of weed smoking in my twenties. I spent my thirties chasing for help with my career while still smoking. Now I’m 40…I spent the first 6 months of it distracted with weed as well….so I how can I change. Work hard and stay dedicated to my craft in my 40s…no bad relationships, smoking, concentrating on things that are related to my career and not what is going on with work…it’s good to maintain a good working environment but it’s not my life…I should remember to find a way to write an email, do videos of my day if possible, and look for ways to look over lyrics or sides if I have an audition.

Joel said we must let go of ashes in order to recieve beauty….so true. When I smoke, I look very tired and ugly. When I stop smoking, I become radiant and pretty again. I didn’t smoke at all yesterday and my looks have already improved. If I keep it up(not smoking), my beauty will return.

I think I went back to smoking the last time is because I was bored. I was lacking motivation. I was overeating. What can I do to prevent this feeling? Maybe only give myself a certain amount of time to do things: 8-12 hours at work, an hour for beauty maintenance, two hours for eating while watching tv, 1 hour for prayer and Bible time, and somehow throughout the day think of my career…find time to dedicate it towards my career.

I will start with a song or looking up social media info, whenever there’s a chance to look on my phone during work. When it’s time to eat, lay on the couch and listen to something that will make you happy…. I can hold the power to my mental health.

although my job entails me to be on high alert dues to Anabel’s condition, I will not let her hair pulling, teeth biting, and constant attention slow me down. If anything I learned how to have more patience and compassion for others.

like today: go over songs and social media….

right now, I will focus on sleeping more. I lost 45 minutes of sleep being awake. I still have 45 more minutes to sleep more before having to wake up and get ready for work.

help me be on time for work and get all the things I need accomplished for the day.thank you for everything. Amen.