Midnight hour

Dear Jesus,

I honestly feel like this is pointless…me-writing my prayers to you…do you hear them? I’m not sure.

i would like to think my thoughts are strong enough for you to hear but I believe we as humans all deal with cause and effect.

if you believe you will live and not die from cancer, then you will. If you believe that you will walk and be out of a wheelchair then you will. If you believe your hair thinning & is getting worse, then it will….you can also fall victim to your thoughts as an “effect”. If you don’t feel good enough for things, then there will be opportunities missed.

I’m not sure if I’m even important or significant enough for you to know what my thoughts are. If you are Jesus, maybe you rather hear from someone else rather than me. I think maybe the cause and effects that took over time with my ancestors, is the singular reason I am even here.

who knows…

all I know is I feel favoritism. Like I’m simply not worshipping you enough…maybe I’m not delighting myself in You.

To be honest, I’m still confused as to why you had to die in order for us to live. Maybe it was necessary to have everyone witness your brutal death so when you rose again, it would have a profound impact that would forever change our lives into believing that only Gods son could die and rise from the dead….its all so confusing.

the Bible depicts you feeding hundreds who had very little (food) to start with, parting the seas, and helping the blind to see!! Nowadays, these miracles are in the form of surviving near death experiences and being protected when the circumstance could have been different.

im being long winded… but what im trying to to say is: WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN WITH MY LIFE!!?

I am trying to be careful with my words…BUT I HARE MY CURRENT LIFE. I’m stuck in an addiction that I’m trying to shake off. My lips are dark….thankfully I’m not fat…but I haven’t worked out in ages. My hair is starting to get dry…that sometimes happens when I smoke too much.

i hate everything. I hate how never see my parents, working three jobs and finding time left over – for my career.

i just need HELP! I’m not happy! I even feel sick of praying to you on this app because there is at least one bitter mean and judgmental bitch on this all reading my entry. To that bitch: you’re probably thinking you’re laughing at my pain but I’m sure your face pained your mutha when she birthed you…

Wow- I just came up with that! And I’m not talking to anyone in particular, but it sure feel nice to talk that way to a potential hater in the future

there are so many things that bother me and I could list them… but what good will that do?

At what point will I feel & look better? I just told Shervy that I want a life where I don’t look tired and haggard. He said: this year it won’t be that way…he believes in 2025 – he will be rich and be able to take care of me so I can focus on my career….thing is: INWANT TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF AND NOT DEPEND ON ANYONE…

You know all that I go through at my work. Miss Patrice is still thriving as a messy mean and annoying co worker. Ms. Clark is barely around and I love it so much. She’s always at meetings…I think it’s to avoid Miss Patrice….or maybe not-who knows…all I know is those three evil women: gray, Clark, Patrice, and Nava…still all evil. They all have a jealous spirit that they carry in their hearts wherever they go..

I admire Clark and Patrice’s ability to get the likes of many around them. They both have all the most important people on their side…thinking they are innocent. But at the end of the day, the kids are what matter…and they do seem to care about the kids…or maybe it’s just a paycheck for Clark. As for Patrice, I wonder how large her paycheck is because she is doing all of Clark’s work.

it’s amazing..Clark needs supplies for the school projects…Patrice buys them. It’s always something. What’s more amazing is these women got me wasting my precious time praying to you about them.

I know you are protecting me. Actually, I don’t KNOW anything…but I’d like to believe you saved me from car accidents, or bad situations or anything unforeseen….i just don’t really know.

I don’t know what to say or feel. I just don’t know. I hate everything.

one time I complained to my dad and he said, “shut up and keep fighting”. He didn’t say it outright like that but he did reference being in war and a man screaming how he’s been hit but how another soldier told him to ….

the thing is: HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO FIGHT!??

This is crazy…this little life of mine. I’m all types of disturbed. Like why are my parents so blind to my brother and sisters actions? Why is Chris not talking to the family? How’s my Corey? Why can’t I spend more time with my family? Why doesn’t my brother and sister love me? What’s going to happen down the road? Where am I going to be? Why am I living like this? When will things get better? WILL MY DREAMS EVER COME TRUE?!?

im truly at a loss for words now….i dont want to die by the tongue on anything that I say. I feel I almost need to stop pray to stop myself from saying something blasphemous without even knowing.

i just hate those 4 women, I HATE JULIAN VARGAS WHO HAS TAKEN 204 DAY FOR THE MUSIC VIDEO THAT I PAID FOR, I hate Kalani for not giving a DAMN ABT ME!!!, I hate…

I have 3 hours to sleep before having to work a 14 hour shift. God HELP MEEEEE

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