Problems with the site

I’ve been having problems with the site which is increasing the frustration that I already have. It takes forever for any actions to go through like posting an entry…

I am upset …again. But in my mind, I’m not all the way upset because I see the light at the end of the tunnel .

for example, I had a graduation house party to perform at. I had this overwhelmingly uneasy feeling. The feeling was like a knot and I began to wish the event was cancelled. I was going to get paid $300 but I didn’t feel right about going.

I woke up at 7:50am and immediately began rehearsing. I literally rehearsed from 8am to 5pm…like it was a job. Then I get a message from the mom who began making threats and yelling at me.

she was super rude, and I was soooooooo glad I didn’t meet her in person. She did not deserve to have my presence in her home. She was so sick and twisted that she ignored the fact that I made several attempts to reach out to her. I’m glad I never went…I saved myself a lot of drama.

while I was writing this entry a leak just occurred from my bathroom ceiling. It was a slow steady stream but it seems to be fading away soon. At least I still have hot running water. I remember when I didn’t have hot running water for over 100 days…what a terrible time in my life.

i been eating burgers almost every day. It’s only $9.73 with tax, and I don’t want to lose my privileges on Shervys card by spending too much. He’s really the only person that helps me…and of course my dad will slip me money from time to time.

im in bed now. Not sure how to feel. I feel the burger in my belly but that’s about it. I feel relief that I didn’t go to that crazy lady’s house. I feel good about all the songs I studied and rehearsed today. I feel like I had a good day despite all the drama. I am happy that I don’t have a desire to smoke. However, my food intake is increasing. I don’t like that. When I get bored, instead of smoking, I eat. But honestly, I prefer that than smoking. It doesn’t make my lips dark. And since I don’t have a tv with sound at the moment, I’m more mindful of what I’m eating instead of mindless chewing.

when I wake up in the morning, I plan to take a drive to the dermatologist and take care of some business. Then, I’m going to go home and have my therapist meeting. Then after that, maybe go to my parents house or workout…then I’m meeting a new therapist. I would like this therapist to help me with completing goals by following though with action. I also want to discuss my inability to communicate well with people because they annoy me so much.

then after that, I’m going to try and clean my apartment or begin advertising the release of a new song. So much to do tomorrow.

I don’t feel like today was the most productive day but it was really nice to stay home. My air conditioner is always on so I hope it doesn’t sky rocket. Which reminds me…I need to pay my utility bill. I need to call and change my bill plan too I think.

I really need help…

Jesus, I’m struggling just a little bit today. I get anxious when i think too hard about everything. Help me to remember to let go and let God work! This lady who is trying to tarnish my reputation will not prevail. I pray you can help me with my finances. I also pray that you place the right people in my life that are genuine. And most of all, please send the help I need for my life! In Jesus name.