What..

… the fuck am I doing?

I honestly dont know at the moment. My head is this perverse and twisted rollercoaster that speeds up and slows down to the point one thinks they’ll fall of due to the gravity of the situations.  The resounding thumps inside my skull are either footfalls of fate or the fallen bodies of my hopes thudding to the ground in silent resignation.  I’d shed a tear for the fallen if my eyes could see what was going on enough to understand the desperate times surrounding me.  My ears ring with a mocking laughter, not that of voices but of the hands of time ticking slowly to an ever present point that shall toll the bell that marks my fate in this twisted story.

I gasp for air with lungs filled with, to some, empty promises that I seem to utter in nonsensical repitition in the vane hope one will be true, and that, that breath, will carry the balloning hopes that it inflates across vast seas and lands, to rest in the hands of those most deserving, but instead it shall pop like all others and leave nothing but a deflated moment where once hope prevailed. 

I guess…all i can ever do is hold on and keep breathing….

..not like I can hold my breath.