Stay in Your Lane

Stay in your lane.

I don’t know when or where this saying originated but it feels like a safe harbor.

I am by nature/nurture an easy person. I am an optimist and my hope about tomorrow never seems to die. I like to try stuff and I am interested in almost every topic. Although I like helping people, I am not empathetic nor do I have any close friends, but people like to see me appear. I’ve been hurt but I always get back up. I’m a glass half-full, it-could-be-worse kind of person.

One of my dad’s nicknames for me was “Boss”. I was/am an only child. My friends were all younger than I and I always chose the role of Mom and Teacher in our pretend play. In high school I had a few good friends, but was not popular, good-looking or talented. No boyfriend, no parties, no dances.But in the early 1970s, I found myself married and still am, to the same person.

As much as I dislike to, I confess the recent changed associated with the pandemic have worn me down. Plus it doesn’t help that I turn 70 next June. I notice I am withdrawing and I tell myself to let people go. They won’t even notice. I stop my responses on the tip of my tongue.

This afternoon I was relaxing in my recliner while my husband was playing golf. I turned on the TV – the Roku – and Endeavor Season 1 Episode 2 was up on Amazon Prime. It’s been months, maybe years since I first became infatuated with the main character. It is one of few shows set in the 1960s. As I started to watch the episode, one I have seen at least once, maybe twice, that “this is my kind of show” feeling came on me. My reaction? I thought who can I share this great series with?
I don’t like that. Social media has ruined me. It’s okay to just like something and enjoy it by yourself.  To heck with the share button.

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October 7, 2020

I watched Enola Holmes on Netflix recently. Different time period, but very enjoyable.

October 7, 2020

@chalandra Thank you very much for the suggestion – I would not have noticed this. Sounds like something I will enjoy.

October 11, 2020

@chalandra I watched Enola Holmes this past week and it was very entertaining 🙂

October 10, 2020

I can relate to what you say about withdrawing. That’s the easy part.  The hard part is letting go of people who you think you have this great kinship and affinity for, only to discover that they live in their little domestic bubbles and are not nearly as interested in me as I am in knowing them better.  It seems growth in a lot of old friendships stopped  with the good old days of the past, which I keep hanging in to like a sucker.

October 11, 2020

@oswego what you just said – is exactly what I am experiencing as well.