God in the dance
I keep meeting god when I dance, specifically at an ecstatic dance. Dropping down into the earth, into my body, I intend to move and that mere intention sends a surge of bottled emotion shooting up my spine. I cry, or I don’t. I feel intense waves of gratitude for this space, these souls, these sounds. In the first songs I am still working out that I can just be here. That no one is watching. No one is expecting. This is for me to be free. The freer I get, the freer we all get. I let that bolster me beyond my initial anxiety. Sometimes I close my eyes, sometime I smile at other beings. We are all the same, so apparent to me when we move together. By the end we are sweaty, stomping, jumping – delirious with connection to primal bodies, divine souls. Sometimes I see us as our true earthly form – little animals doing what it is in our hearts to do. I talk with someone afterward who expresses what I have experienced – sense of oneness, profound realization, connection, perspective shift, soul shift. He expresses his struggle with maintaining this awakening and we agree that this is all just a process of forgetting and remembering, over and over, more and more. My spiritual awakening is deeply connected with my bodily awakening. The more I move, the more I remember. The more I challenge what it means to be in a body, the more old thoughts and ways and opinions slough off. I find myself moving in ways I have no conscious awareness of. They are ancestral, they are deeper than the mind or the body. I am blessed to have found this space that exists for nothing but liberation. In this place, liberation is allowed to look like joy, like grief, like screaming, like pounding fists on floor, like skipping. It is all welcome. It’s so rare in this world to have full permission to be radiantly truthful.