Recent Entries

• Zen Mountain

  February 13, 2023

  I meditated for an hour this morning. The peace, the ease. I focused on manifesting health in my body where it needs it the most. I found myself grateful for warm blankets and sweaters, feeling my feet on the floor. A veritable master of mindfulness. I sat so high atop my perfect zen mountain. An...

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• 2001

  February 12, 2023

  2001. That's when I started writing in this thing, healing in this thing. I downloaded everything several years ago when word of OD's demise spread around my geriatric millennial corners of the internet. Sometimes I crack open that massive text file and just remember. Remember the things I can ne...

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• 05/31/2012

  May 30, 2012

  My feelings may never cease to confuse me. Foreign bodies reaching out through my chest, heat seeking, life seeking. They suck me dry and they thrive. They curl their vines around my ankles, their leaves cover my eyes. I become unrecognizable, even to myself. I don't recognize the jealousy oozing...

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• Stupid human heart

  December 31, 2011

  I can't keep this up. I love Jay very much. More than I've ever loved someone I'm in a relationship with. But this pain is more than unbearable and I won't let it continue. I haven't eat much for the last week. Slept very little. Have been the picture of a victim and grovelling behind h...

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• Monsters

  November 5, 2011

  I don't want to tell what he did. To anyone. Ever. I feel so weak and ashamed and barely able to write this much here. I do want to talk about how he held me in his arms while I cried and stroked my hair. How he told me I was too beautiful to be…

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• Light fled

  October 24, 2011

  Yesterday I noticed that the LED sign in the subway shook and rattled when I bit down an a thick kettle chip. Nothing else moved, just the sign. I tried it over and over. Looking at little kids, subway cars, my book, my phone, nothing affected by my chomping but this sign. It read OCTOBER…

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• Fucking with the lights on

  September 4, 2011

  From time to time I find myself in these strange picking moods. I pick at my face, my hair, my body. Peel the nail polish off my fingers. Pull at my eyebrows and lashes. Fish foreign objects out of my teeth and from beneath my nails. I scrape and poke and pick until there's nothing…

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• koru

  July 22, 2011

  I saw him again last night, Mark. After weeks of dodging and ducking and weirdness I was getting over him and our drunken night. He asked me a week ago if we could meet up on Friday. In the mean time I had started dating someone so much more predictable and stable. Yet I accepted…

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• 07/20/2011

  July 19, 2011

  I just gave myself brain freeze eating frozen peaches. Short lived delicious moment followed by seering pain. Such is my life. I've been vampiring my way around the city for over a year now. Inhaling the fumes of so many glorious nights. Taking advantage of my feminine wiles, using men ...

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