Lost
This feeling has been haunting me these past few days.
The feeling of sadness and being lost to the pathway of my dreams.
It feels like I’m not the person I used to be before. The kind of girl who enjoys learning in school isn’t me anymore. I lost my passion and desire to do something that would make my future better and make my present memorable and happy.
I feel so helpless and what much worse is no one in the family would understand me because they’re not open to this. And of course… my fault.
My fault to always choose to keep all of these to myself.
Seeing myself doing nothing as my daily routines urges me to do something, but couldn’t do anything because it feels so tiring even I was just lying.
I’m starting to doubt myself. What would be I in the future? Am I going to be successful? I really don’t know.
The weird feeling is that I am longing for something like there’s something in me that is missing. And again, I’m lost. I couldn’t find this missing piece and I couldn’t answer why am I feeling this way and being like this?
And now… I’m here on this path of doubt, pain, sadness, and insecurities. I am here again in the place I thought I wouldn’t get lost again.
The darkness of nowhere.
I am helpless and the feeling that no one likes me nor to talk to me is hurting me so badly.
What should I do if I couldn’t see anything from the dark? Should I just seat here and wait for a rescue? Even I couldn’t find myself.
See your doctor and get a prescription for anti-depression medicine. It will help you get through this. Get active. Do things that are enjoyable like listening to music. Trite advice, but it works. We all go through this from time-to-time and, unfortunately, it’s just a part of life. Depending on the family, they are not the best folks to help with existential problems, neither are your peers, who don’t have the experience and are probably going through the same thing.. An older, trusted family friend (female) is best. Most people don’t going around thinking about how other people are feeling; they are too busy with their own lives.
@solovoice Thank you for your comment. It really means a lot to me.
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Life is and we are, constantly in motion. What you are going through is a transitory time. You feel stuck but you ARE in motion. You cannot read the minds of others nor they, you. You are safe in that. Too often we torture ourselves by imaging negatives. Insecurity is part of life. A survival mechanism that keeps us alive for millennia. The dark will pass. No you truly are not the person you were. You are a person constantly changing and growing. Watch that growth as you would watch the growth of a friend 🙂 It is good you are writing all this out. Even though you may think you are doing nothing, you are in motion. Maybe taking a breather while you get ready for the next adventure in life. Old as I am,  I am in a similar scene. Yet fortunately, I see what steps may come next. Look for alternate paths. Keep your mind open to it. You are a smart person and you are going to be fine. You are self-aware – unlike so many. Keep writing, keep listening to yourself. Look for those that will listen to you or ask someone if they will listen to you. Sorry for the long comment I hate to see people beat up on themselves. Been there, done that too much 😉
@skobru Thank you so much for this, sir.. I’ve been waiting for someone to tell me this, that everything will be fine and I will be okay.. Thank you for these words, sir, I’ll keep this a reminder to myself and I’ll try my best to move forward and overcome this. I appreciate it so much, sir! This means a lot to me, thank you!
@ellephant https://www.facebook.com/bruno.scott.94849/     Keep in touch if you want. I try to be positive despite all the shit I been through 😉 If I can make it this far, you can go much farther. No I am not a spammer. As far as who I am I just got tired of being afraid of being discovered. Cheers kiddo 🙂 Glad I could add a positive to your day.
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*hugs*
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OKBoomer and I are not far apart in age…we are both old guys. He’s right. It will be okay. It just doesn’t feel like at the moment.
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