to say goodbye.

if i had left you a note, detailing all the reasons why, it would have been a playlist, filled with songs that would outline each emotion, every note filling the void my absence left behind.  i would have titled it with your name and made sure to cross both t’s.  listening to it, it would be clear that i wasn’t coming back.  that this was the end.

i would have left the note on your nightstand, next to your alarm clock, the one that never shows the correct time.  and, quietly, i would have slipped into the dawn.  i would have skirted down the sidewalk, barefoot and bleary eyed while you slept, alone and comfortable, in your bed.

you would wake and think it was just the wine. perhaps i was in the shower, washing the remnants of you off my body.  you would fall back asleep, coaxed by the thick comforter keeping you warm.  it wouldn’t be until later, until the sun streamed through the grey curtains, that you would realize i was gone.  maybe then, maybe by seeing my handwritten playlist laying beside your bed, you’d get it.  suddenly i remember that  you said you loved my handwritten notes.  so maybe you’d smile at this, thinking it was a gift.

eventually you’ll realize it was goodbye.  though by then it’d be too late.