undulate

a prolonged absence from this place.  I feel like a stranger, even to myself. 

OH JESUS that makes me sound like 16 year old me.

though maybe that’s what this place does — takes me back to where I was when I first found it.  allows me to de-mature, as it were. 

needless to say – I’m not okay.  that’s when I usually come here, to read and spy and feel close to people I know I’ll never meet but who understand me in a way that even my closest friends will never come close to.  

i don’t know if that ultimately makes me feel better or worse.  i think probably worse, but the pull is there anyhow.  

but the truth is that i do miss this place, in my own sick sick way.