Headspace

“I’m not in a good headspace.”

Words that threaten to tumble

from my mouth

more times than I can count.

Sometimes I just feel like my

headspace

is permanently this way,

in an eternal state of confusion

and disarray

and frustration

and mess.

I guess

it is literally

no wonder why

no one

ever stays.

Most days I simultaneously

feel like too much

and too little.

too strong

and too weak.

Like my “headspace” is both

too lonely

and too crowded.

too feeling

and too numb.

To ever be just…

enough.

Why can’t I ever just be

enough?

I am a waterfall

being funneled into a drinking glass

fully aware that I am overfilling the spaces

in which I find myself

before I’ve ever really even let myself go.

I am an elephant

on a glacier

that splinters before I’ve even

let my first foot come to an unsteady rest.

I am a supernova

exploding

and blinding anyone who happens to look

too closely

and scorching

those who dared to reach out.

I am always too much

And never enough.

Most days I could wade

into an ocean of oblivion

without batting an eye.

Because I am too much

for anyone to truly want me here

And too little for those

unfortunate enough to have pulled me

into their orbit.