December 16 22:33

to much on my mind and it was mostly negative thoughts and maybe writing the way I feel will help… I try I really do. I try to get out of bed. I try to clean everyday. I try to cook everyday. I try to be happy. its not my surroundings that makes me unhappy its my head, my thoughts. the things that go on in my body. its the voice in my head that tells me theses bad things. whats going on in my head stops me from showing love to the family him and I created. I try to do it for them all when I should really do it for myself first … but it just isn’t easy. its hard to be the best mom/gf when I just want to end it all… maybe taking me and my negativity away from them will make them feel happy and its hard to talk to someone cause I shouldn’t be feeling this way because I have a man who takes care of us and kids that make me happy. maybe one day I could be who my little family wants but maybe one day they’ll understand that these monthly moods sneak up on me and beat me down. maybe one day they’ll understand i’m really trying, trying to stick around to see them all grow. these monthly moods have been around since I was a kid nobody ever knew cause there’s nobody really around to tell that I wouldn’t feel judged by expressing myself even at my worst.

just bear with me my little family mommy will be her happy self again. ill try again tomorrow..