SHOULD I SHOULDN’T I?
I would appreciate your comments of the following:
If you have been reading my diary you are aware that my divorced son is seeing a woman who has two children ages 5 and 2. My grandson who spends every other week with my son is five.
Here is my question????
How "close" do I get to her children? Do I suggest or allow them to call me BUBBY like my grandson does?
Do I consider them my grandchildren too? Do I offer to take them out with or withiout my grandson for a couple of hours etc.?
Now my big question is it ok to I invite my son’s girlfriend to lunch and discuss this with her alone(without my son?) Is it ok to ask her to make a commitment that if I do get close to her children and they break up that she will promise to allow me to continue being their grandma? If they break up I don’t want them to have the pain of losing their grandma.
WHat do you think?
Are they getting married? I wouldn’t approach her until there is a definite wedding date. Sometimes these things work themselves out as the families get to know each other well. If they are planning on getting married then my answer would be “Yes” to all of the above questions…except about asking her to make a commitment…
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I think you should welcome the children and embrace them as grandparent, if your son & g/f marry. I do NOT think you should have a discussion with g/f about future, ESPECIALLY one that mentions break-up. Firt of all, they are not married, so it is premature. Secondly, the children’s pain of losing a grandparent may never happen and it is the mother’s issue, not yours as grandparent. Thirdly, yourcomment may be misconstrued (in that you expect a break-up) and cause resentment. Treat all the children equally. If you take grandson out, include the rest. If you’d like them to call you grandma, tell your son so and let them decide if they’re comfortable with that. If you feel that you would be hurt if the kids called you grandma then were taken away, then do not suggest it at all. Personally, I wouldn’t say a word and just let things happen without trying to control it. Best just to treat the kids with love and let them respond naturally.
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I agree with the other noters–I would let things progress on their own for a while. Sometimes I would include her children, sometimes just take your grandson. Once they are married, I would include them equally.
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I agree with the others. Until they are married just be a very nice grandparent like figure, after they get married, then you can be a true bubby!
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If they aren’t married, then i wouldn’t let them call you bubby, as you are not. i would do stuff with them, but i would be careful in making the relationship too strong because if they do break up, you don’t want them so attached that it hurts them, and i wouldn’t discuss it with her because she really can’t make a commitment like that to you. Just go with the flow of things. >^..^<
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just be yourself around them….kids warm to sincerity best of all….and until your son actually marries this woman the title they call you by really isn’t an issue. But meantime maybe you can ask the children themselves what they’d like to call you. Just be their friend for now…all kids love that and you will too. hugs P
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I am going through the EXACT same thing! My step daughter just met a man. She has no kids.. he has 2. So she lives way up north, and is supose to come down in a few weeks. I told her to bring the kids with them. She said.. “huh?” Than I explained… its a package deal. If we except him, we need to except them. I bet your son will be totally thrilled if you open upyour arms to her kids. Sometimes that situation is so difficult. I admire you for embracing them, shows how much of a heart you have. Talk to her, and let her know your concerns. I am sure you will both bond even closer. *HUGS* You are an amazing woman!
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RYN The only person in his family that I like is him. I don’t mind his brother and his wife and baby but they aren’t going. The rest of his family…ICK. And he doesn’t like them either. And really, he doesn’t want to see them either. This is all my fault because I wanted to see my nephew and I saw the really low rate, so I said, let’s go. dumbdumbdumb me!
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RYN Oh and this isn’t his parents. He hasn’t seen his dad since 1997 and we have tried but he doesn’t want anything to do with us. This is all his mom’s family.
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Wait until if and when they decide to marry each other. It may become a non issue if they end up breaking up.
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If they’ve been together for awhile and it seems very serious, then I would talk to your son and then to his g/f. If I was her then I would be happy, and it will make her feel better in the family.
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I say, treat them well….since you love children anyway and this would come naturally to you….but try to take on the role of an older “auntie” or friend rather than a grandma. After all, your son and their mother are not married yet, and might not ever be. But of course the children are there, and since they ARE there, they would feel bad if they weren’t treated as if they are special. All kidsare special. But your grandson still deserves his OWN place in your life….theirs should not be the same as his. hugs, Weesprite
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