Stuff

Random assorted life updates…

My kitty died. 🙁 His kidneys failed, but he didn’t have any symptoms until it was way too late to do anything about it so we had to put him to sleep. It was really heartbreaking, and I miss him a lot. The house felt way too weird with no cat, so I went to a shelter to maybe get another cat, and came home with two. They’re really adorable and it’s good to have kitties around again, but it will probably take a while for them to feel as much like part of the family as Pumpkin did.

I’m feeling restless lately, like I should be doing more with my life. I really don’t want to work and not be with A all day, but I feel a little guilty still being home with her. Maybe I would feel differently about it if I were at all the "housewife" type, but I’m really, really not. I’m not at all interested in taking up crafts, or something like that…I love staying home with her, and I think I’m really good at it, but sometimes I worry I’m not really contributing anything. I’m not sure what I’m going to do, career-wise…there’s no job I can think of where I’d actually want to do it just for the sake of doing it, and Noah makes enough money that whatever random little bit I made wouldn’t matter all that much, so it feels pointless.

I keep thinking I should go back to school. But I don’t know what I would do there, either.

I’m in a weird place right now, with feeling fairly happy and comfortable in my marriage, and daydreaming constantly about running away with Mike. Things are going well with Noah (mostly…some days he makes me feel like complete shit, but the rest of the time it’s good), and there’s no particular reason that I’d be wanting to leave or something, but I’m so fucking attached to Mike. And when I think about my future, in any context, I picture it with him. I just don’t know how to get there.

A is as cute as ever. She still doesn’t say many words…the majority of things she says are animal sounds (and they all sound pretty much the same). She’s such a good little girl…she knows how to pick up after herself (with some direction from me, obviously), and listens when I tell her not to touch things, or to be gentle, or whatever. When she gets tired, she points upstairs toward her bedroom and says "night night," and I remind her to put away her toys and she does, and then she climbs right up the stairs with me and goes straight to her crib. I swear she’s the easiest baby ever…most of my friends’ kids fight naps like crazy!

Anyway, not so much new to say. I haven’t gotten out that much lately because the weather has been total crap, so there’s really not that much to write about. I love my life (and my baby) so much, but sometimes I worry that I’ve gotten boring. I mentioned to Noah the other day that while I really don’t very much miss being single, I do miss dancing at the clubs and flirting, and the excitement of all that, and he said he needs to take me out some more. So I think we’re going to make an effort to get a babysitter more often so we can spend some time out of the house together. Maybe that would help a little with the restlessness.