I’ve been doing a lot of work on myself and healing these past 10 years. Not just healing, but forgiving as well. I have been very inspired and strengthened by many women lately on social media who have bravely come out publicly to talk about their experiences with physical and/or emotional abuse.
So many times we just want to forget and in order to forget you push it down. You push push push it as far down as possible until you actually believe that the trauma is gone. That you no longer feel it. Problem with that though is that it’s never gone, and when it surfaces it’s always at the worst times, and at the expense of damaging personal relationships.
The day I decided to start healing was the day I decided to stop making people pay for mistakes that they did not make.
WARNING: What I am about to post below is something I went through in my twenties. It may be disturbing to some. This is not a post for attention. This is to inspire women, as I have been inspired, to start the healing process, and if someone is currently in a toxic situation similar to this, to hopefully help them hug themselves and say “No more.”
The way I felt when he’d roll his eyes after I asked him about something he said that I didn’t understand and say “What’s wrong with you? How can you not know that?”
How I felt when I was upset and crying and instead of holding me, he coldly said I was not in control of my emotions, that it was a weakness of mine I needed to work on strengthening. He said weak women turned him off.
How I felt when he would point things out like when I didn’t shave or pluck my eyebrows perfectly, or comment on something I wore that he didn’t like. Then tell me how he preferred girls to look.
How I began to feel when he would pull his hand away from mine or reject my advances. He would withhold affection from me and just when I was ready to leave he would all of a sudden become my white knight,
sucking me back in.
How I started to feel when he would somehow always turn the blame towards me and had a way of making me believe I was the problem.
How I’d feel when he would tell me I was being overly sensitive or dramatic whenever I would bring up something I wanted to talk about, or express my feelings.
This is just a glimpse of what happened outside of the public eye. If this is happening to you, THIS IS EMOTIONAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE. I encourage you to please talk to someone and get help. You are perfect just the way you are and deserve someone who thinks that too. ❤️