The Tools for Living

I haven’t really been in a writing mood the last couple of days. Financial stuff has been on my mind and I’m really irritated with myself for getting on a tangent about it. You know sometimes I feel like I have to be chronically worried about something so if it isn’t one thing it’s another.

Three weeks ago I began tithing again. I felt compelled to do so. We haven’t tithed since we left the other church. We’ve been going to this church since August. I began by just giving a few dollars every week then in November I pledged $50/week then a few weeks ago I felt called to begin tithing again. It’s really not convenient to do so because with our new jobs, between the two of us, we’re taking home about $1000 less per month than we were back in August, but God controls it all, so maybe He’ll work this all out for us. I really don’t know the answers. Sometimes I feel like since Jesus came and died for us we are all free of the law now, that’s why we can do things like eat pork and why we don’t have to make animal sacrifices and things like that. That’s also why we don’t have to do all those things that are so detailed in the Old Testament. So if that’s the way with all those other laws, why is it that tithing is the exception? It seems to me that we should still be doing the other stuff too. Each time I read the New Testament I can never figure out why we’re really exempt from all those other laws. Even Jesus said, “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven,” as quoted in Matthew 5:17-19 so I don’t understand why we don’t have to do all the stuff listed out in the Old Testament books and I think it’s a little suspicious that the one thing that everybody seems to teach us that we still have to do is the money one.

Nevertheless, I started tithing again three weeks ago just because I felt impressed to do so not by the church or anybody in particular, but in my spirit by God. I was feeling the financial strain and the scripture, “’Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,’ says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it,’” kept coming to me and I thought at first that I was just being a greedy Christian… tithing as an investment, but then it kept coming back to me so I just decided to do it and start tithing again. For so many years I tithed with no ulterior motives (and sometimes I tithed with the blessings in mind, I might as well be honest, it just depended upon the moment.)

Now, I’ve felt some of the rewards. The first is, on the weekly bulletin they post each week the number of how much they needed to earn that week and how much they actually received. Since I’ve been tithing, they’ve earned more than they needed each week (and it wasn’t just because of my tithe LOL). I felt like that was a special message from God that He was moving in many of us to tithe, not just me, and I definitely felt rewarded to see that the church was getting what it needed to survive. It is a wonderful church and I’d like to see it thrive.

I, personally, also feel more free to tell myself not to worry about money when I’m tithing. I feel more entitled to go to God in prayer about it although I know that is bogus logic and almost sinful thinking – probably not even almost but actually there – but if that is what it takes mentally for me, that is the way it goes. I think tithing is probably the right way to go but I just don’t know for sure. I do know, however, that it would be wiser to err on the side of self-sacrifice and giving more for God’s work than to err on the side of selfishness.

Anyway, we’ll see what happens. I sure would like to understand, though, why we’re exempt from the other aspects of the law. I guess it’s because some of the things Paul says in later books. I need to get back to my Bible studying more closely. I’ve been slacking off and when I have been reading I’ve been focusing more on the four Gospels.

Well, I have to keep reminding myself that although things are tight, they could be so much worse. There are so many many people who would love to be in my financial situation. I really need to continue thanking God for what I have. I hate myself when I get so focused on money and what I don’t have. I get so caught up worrying about the future and wondering how we will put our son through college then worrying about how we will ever support ourselves when we retire. It all seems so overwhelming and terrifying that I get anxious then depressed and my emotions spiral out of control. That, in the past, was the kind of thing that would lead me to cutting – those spiraling crazy emotions. Now I try to answer those emotions with scripture. God HAS the answers – those are what Jesus used when the devil tempted Him in the desert. That’s my model and what I try to use when the devil tempts me now. The Bible is such a wonderful tool for living.