Reality or Pleasure

 

How do you go about changing your life? I have dreams about who I think I want to be.

While half of me wants to be this new person, the other half of me thinks why?  Will it be worth it.. do you think that that it will better, or easier.

I want to scream at the voices that say this to me.

I am so jealous of these young girls and women- who are plus size and feel ok about their bodies.   I am jealous of women in there 30’s and above who seem ok with being childless and not with anyone.

Where are you, this person.. the person who should put me back together, the person who should fix me, the person who should see through my flaws and see into my soul.

What bullshit – why do we fall for this…..

At the end of the day, people are all shallow. I am shallow..

I know that I want a person who has money and can look after me – and so why does it shock everyone that I can’t find a man to love me back,.  MEN that I want, don’t want or need FAT or Smart,  old, broken

Men want beauty

While I am the product of a world where I have been taught to find a man who will be my ‘soul mate’ my knight…

MEN are the product of a world where Porn, trophy wives and having a sexy women means power and pleasure..

 

 

 

 

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January 12, 2019

I once had more than one person tell me to learn to love myself.  If I love myself then good people will become attracted to me and this includes men.  I’m 60 years old.  Probably much older than you and it took me a while to learn to love myself.  But you can do it.  Continue writing here on Open Diary.  You will experience so much personal growth if you do.

January 18, 2019

@wildrose_2  what if you are so self-aware.. that you know that inside you know that no one can like that…  the real you is unloveable and not worth their love.   Annnnd to just be even more deep… is life worth living if your alone and not worth of love