Diary 14

I always thought I hated the smell and taste of beer, Amy whinehouse’s songs and watching people I know smoke for no reason but as I’ve been so self aware lately Its because It reminds me of lucia, my mum

Albert smokes and I’ve never told him but when I see him do it its not so much as to what hes doing its who he looks like doing it

I want to talk to a therapist or a counciller or an adult im comfortable around but I dont want their to be any change afterwards. Weither good or bad I just dont want anything to change. I understand how I cant just tell them what’s going on and If they know its really bad they cant not do anything about it.

I wanna be spoke to like a baby again. treated like a little kid. But I also hate the idea of it. It’s like It all stopped when I called the police on her, she’s neverĀ loved me since then. Not like she does James

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2 weeks ago

someone really close to me told me that me smoking reminds them of their mother (who was a smoker for 30+ years and actually quit cold turkey) i didnt know how to take that and still to this day i dont know if thats a good thing or a bad thing. just felt like sharing that with you, that its happened/been felt by someone else before.

<3 sending love, krumptes, beans and mash and whatever else people like over there <33