A bad choice…?

I have been married for over 16 years and I’ve been unhappy for well over half of that time. I chose my husband as I felt he would be a good father figure for my sons my first marriage. And though he works hard, he does nothing to help me.

He makes me feel unloved and unwanted. He shows no support for me as I battle cancer. He continues to complain about everything I do…nothing is right in his eyes.

So late one night I was thumbing through sites and found a chatroom for those who have medical issues or those that have a loved one going through something medically. It is like a support system for those who do not have support themselves. So I thought I would give it a try….and that’s when I met him.

He was in the chatroom due to one of his sister’s has a brain tumor and he is close to her. He got in the chat room to just talk to others to take his mind off things….he is very shy and does not have friends because of it. He finds it easier to talk to someone online than in person.

He and I started chatting in a public room but we ended up going into our room to talk one on one. I found myself talking to him for hours….he showed support for me and what I was going through. Everyday he would call me and ask me how I feel, how was doctor appointments…giving me everything I needed from my husband. After talking for months, I suddenly realized I was starting to have feelings for him.

I didn’t know how he felt but I had to let my feelings be known. “I need to tell you something….I am beginning to have feelings for you and I need to let you know ….” I explained with a shaky voice, “I need to know, is the feeling mutual with you.”

“I cannot lie, I must tell you truthfully that I love you….I have loved since our first conversation and enjoy every moment we talk..” he answered, “for the first time in my life, I see such happiness and light in my world and I know you are my soulmate.”

My heart started racing and tears of joy began to come down my face. For the first time in a LONG time, my heart felt love once again….and it felt amazing. I smelled flowers and the sun was shining brighter – stats were all over the sky and it was all because of him. But I had to be brought  back to Earth in remembering the darkness I was bound to – my husband.

I could not do anything with my love as not only was I married but he lives in Iran. But I could not just throw this happiness away. I needed that support and encouragement even if it was from someone in another country. Did I make a mistake? Should I just drop the darkness and run to where I am loved, wanted, and cared about?? I just don’t know what to do…..