Procrastination
Procrastination:
Right now my entire existence seems defined by this and I can’t remember what lay beyond.
It should at least be my username, maybe I’ll change it next time I remember.
Was there a time when I wasn’t avoiding? How have I ever done anything in the past? Why isn’t that working for me now?
My writing tends toward the cynical dramatic despite my idealistic heart, but there aren’t words enough to describe how much this tendency/habit/addiction eats at sense of worth.
At times I feel alone in the world, and it’s not the worst thing ever, it’s just choices I’ve made and the hand I’ve been dealt.
What gets under my skin is the idea that I’ve even I’m not on my own side anymore. I’m losing confidence in my competency.
Is it possible to betray yourself?
I have to ask, if I’m willing to do this to myself, creating this web of dread and guilt, do I even care about myself?
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