My anxiety is through the roof right now and over nothing. I just spent pretty much an entire day with Annie most of the day yesterday then then evening through this morning. I asked about coming back and se would check her schedule and get back to me ad I have yet to hear anything and it i driving me crazy. And it shouldnt. I have no patience and it pisses me off. Last night happened because I asked to hang out and talk about the day because it wasnt all good but it was my fault. We didnt end up talking just hanging out having a good time watching tv and talking about other stuff.

But now I am sitting around upset because I havent heard from her. Im trying to find a note she said she left for me and I ant find it to save my life and it is annoying me. But I am sure she is annoyed with me because I keep texted asking where it is or where she is and etc etc. I am so messed up. I am basing my happiness an time on her. But she is so special and I love spending time with her. God I hate myself so much for all of this. I cant even concentrate to hardly write this.

I have a therapy appt here in an hour. Hopefully that will work some. Really at this point I want to find this note to calm my nerves a little bit at least. Or hear from her.  And there I go again basing my happiness…. I dont know, I really dont know. Being with her is just amazinng. I want to learn to live in the now with her and only worry about the day and not the future. Which is another thing, but I dont really want to think about that conversation right now. I just need to learn to chill and relax and not let stupid stuff get in the way. Only worry about today, and not worry about what what ifs or what is going on other than. it is so hard though. But yeah. I dont know what else to say with out repeating myself.

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