Therapy today …
I better make use of this diary while its paid. This weekend has been real crappy and needless to say I made up and had a talk with my roommate that I share my room with and we’re ok for now. I am now going to start the process of moving to my own place. I think I need that now more than ever. I’m still unsure about my boyfriend. I am no longer speaking of marriage or a future with him. So whats the point to continue. I feel comfortably numb.
I dont talk to anyone but one person in the house and I pray she doesnt tell anyone what I tell her. I just know she avoids the drama more than anyone else. We got into it with another roommate today about a mess in the kitchen that we didnt make and she took it out on us. I shut her ass down quick before she got hot in the mouth. She turned tell and ran I told her tell the housemother that and she said I will. I said good. Shes always moody and sticks to herself we include her and speak to her but shes always slamming doors and everything. When she fights with other people she comes to me and hides in my room but when it comes to fighting with me, she runs her mouth. “I dont got time for attitude.” Honey I can’t got time for yours either. Its hard living with this many people with these many different personalities.
Spoke with my psychiatrist today. She upped my Vistoril (sp) to 25 mg. I dont even know if that works at 10 mg but I gotta take it now when I go to sleep. I take Seroquel for my sleep. I take Prozac for the mornings.
She was proud that I hadnt been to psyche hospital in over 8 months and havent cut in almost a year.
I got into it with my housemother this weekend about a lot of things and even hung up on her. She said she couldn’t believe me that it wasnt like me. I just feel like my feelings and accountability don’t matter.
I took my earrings out for the first time and cleaned my ears. I will put them back in tomorrow.
I’m supposed to make my close roommate stuffed mushrooms tomorrow.
Oh I will eventually post my pictures from Siesta Keys. I forgot too.
Hi there. 🙂 I wish I had pierced ears. But I don’t like the pain. 🙁
@kartoffeltorte It wasnt bad honestly. I just cant sleep with them. One ear already swallowed one… I just had enough. I took them out and lost them so it wasnt meant to be. I didnt do it for me I did it for “Boyfriend” and that was a mistake.
@justholli1972 Ahh.. ok. Your ear swallowed an earring?? Yeah, doing ir for someone else is always not a good idea.
@justholli1972 Life is too short and messed up to do anything for someone else…unless of course it makes you happy! <3
@ncumisa It did It used too.
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@Holli something you just said in this entry jumped out to me…and not wanting to sound like a therapist and shit, ‘cuz I am not…I just have some practical experience with depression and feeling numb and all things negative and of course therapists too….anyway….Holli, don’t accept feeling numb being comfortable. Humans are made to feel the good and bad and to always rise above. As soon as you accept feeling numb you are giving up. I know when I give up and just accept things; I get more depressed and become someone I don’t know or like. Accept that it is natural for days to not always go well and it is okay to be upset or in a bad place, but don’t accept that to be a norm, make those feelings a lesson and the exception. Do what you can to make you feel happy.
Do what makes you, personally, feel happy!
Love yourself first <3
@ncumisa Thank you. Ive decided to take this time to do some heavy research on how to get my own apartment.
Your note keeps spinning through my mind. I hope that you had a great week and I want to thank you for caring enough to leave that note. Numb should never feel comfortable you are right. Ive been keeping busy with my friend Sylvia and with coloring when Im home.
@justholli1972 That is a start. I love looking at houses which I can only dream about living in…but starting fresh and being optimistic is a great thing!
@justholli1972 I am glad I made an impact. And I am glad that you have been keeping busy and being creative. I think I should take some of my own advise and be a lil pro-active and busy. This week was alright…work and regular stress but I have been happy, particularly since I have been taking my anti-depressants. But my husband is drunk and on a rampage so this isn’t a good start to my weekend…but I will stay positive no matter what!
@ncumisa Im sorry that you have to go through that. I wont fully tell about me and him but it was a really bad relationship. I went through the alcoholic stuff with my parents. I think thats why I drank a bit till I started taking care of them. Ive been taking my meds I think every day this week now. I know at least 3 days. Ive been trying to be a lot more pro active with them too bc Ill go off and not go back on less randomly when I start trippin on everyone. So Im praying I keep more aggressive about my meds. I had a lapse in judgement and tried to call him. He texted me yesterday or the day before I cant remember anymore. I just want it to be a distant memory now. Just somethings that run through my head sometimes really hurt and I start crying.
Im on Fluoxitine, Vistoril, and Serequil (sp) for my depression and anxiety.
I too am on Fluroxetine. On many occasions I have told myself I am stronger than the meds and have stopped taking them. It took me some scary episodes to realize I am not. Look after yourself and keep to your meds.
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