alone again…

at work we call friday :fucked up friday”…

because everything goes to hell in a hand basket…

today was a rather good day…

there is always a downside though…

we hired a younger girl and by younger i mean mid 40’s…

she seemed to be more interested in me than she should have been…

she struck up a couple of conversations and i tried to be polite…

it didnt work…

my scars are deep…

the thought of an intimate relationship is repulsive…

the thought of a sexual relationship, of touching a woman sharing myself with a woman…

it makes me physically ill, to the point of needing to vomit…

i know this is not right…

i know i should not feel this way…

i know i am broken…

and i am safe in my instability…