Pious

The day rang with the sounds of battle. Sword on sword, sword on shield, sword on flesh and the sounds of men screaming, it was a day of glory so we were told. It was a day of honor.

The sun shone harshly over the sands of Jerusalem as thousands of men fell to the might and power of their god. Falling to the might of two gods that both admired peace and good will towards all men. Well, actually two different versions of the same god since they were both founded by the same patriarch.

No one there was holy. No one there was pious. No one there was fighting in the name of god. They were fighting for the greed of churches and the pride of man. They were fighting because man needs to fight. Man is the happiest when he has someone to hate, someone to despise, someone to kill. It is our nobility in notion, We  Are  Right… WAR plain and simple.

I was no different. I heard the words of our lord, I heard the message of peace and still when the church told me that I had to kill those who did not believe in my god I took up arms and marched south.

The journey took a year to make and once in the holy land I was renewed by god with a holy fury to slay the unbeliever and through the blood of the pagan, wash Jerusalem clean. For a year my blade was slick with the blood of the heretic. I mowed through the heathen horde like a hot knife through butter. I cut them down with a song in my heart and the power of god in my good right arm. Until one day…

It was as most days were. I woke, bathed as best I could, went to the temple for morning prayers and then off to the field of battle for some light death and destruction. At noon it was lunch time and back to mayhem by one o’clock until tea time. Then it was wash the pagan out of my hair, afternoon prayers, dinner drinks and time for bed.

On that night however, I was in the middle of my third cup of wine when I made mention that the whole thing was beginning to become a bit mundane. I grew tired of sending the unwashed to the depths of hell and wanted for things to spice up a bit. I was not sure what I was looking for, I just wanted out of my routine.

That night I dreamed I was standing in the most green field. Above it was a sky of cerulean blue, cloudless and warm. On the far horizon stood rolling mountains, lavender and soft, not rocky and pointed. It was a place of pure perfection. I turned north and east and south and it was all a landscape without flaw. It was paradise.

When I turned to face the west I saw in the sky the face of our lord. It frightened me to the point I jumped with a start! I was told that to look on the face of god would make my skin melt and my eyes to explode!

“Propaganda.” God said as he smiled softly at me.

“You can read my thoughts? I mean why not, you’re god!”

“I couldn’t help but over hear you are tired of killing my sheep day in and day out.” His smile never faded.

“Your sheep? I thought you hated those who did not worship you.” I rebutted.

“I realize that you are only privy to my words as doled out by the church, but am I not a loving god?” He asked.

“I don’t think so. I mean the church tells me that you love your children and that we, as good Christians, should love all mankind, but they also tell me of how you are forever smiting heathens and those who are not righteous.”

“Well I don’t want to put too fine a point on it, but I am God and I believe I said to do as I say, not as I do. The story of Moses should have been a rather clear enough hint. He killed a man and as a punishment I banned him from these lands. Lands I set aside for another version of my worshipers.”

“I see. I never really thought of that.”

“Did they tell of my “Thou shalt not kill rule?” he smiled again.

“Yes. But they also said that there should be no other gods before you. And that meant that it was our duty to wipe them off the face of the earth, in your name.” I tried to clarify.

“I see… tell me have you read the bible?”

“NO! It’s a sin for the common man to read the bible. It’s a sin really for a man like me to even read. The church tells me all I need to know of your word. They are the only ones capable of understanding your message. That is why you made them.”

“I think I’m going to have to have an age of reason or something. My word is for all men to read and understand. You have to know my laws if you are going to understand them. Perhaps a nice plague first. Nothing clears out the dead wood like a good plague.” He mused.

“Perhaps, but may I ask you, why am I here?”

“Oh yes indeed! I brought you to my doorstep to tell you that I have a way to help you in your frustration. You are tired of slaughtering my children day in and day out, so here’s my plan for you.

“You have slain many of my sheep. I believe around three hundred so far. So you shall live one year for each death that you cause. One year for each soul on your conscience and one year for each life you take from this day forward. Man, woman, child and beast. You shall not be free of these souls until you have lived a year in repentance for them.”

“I don’t understand, you mean to tell me that I will live for three hundred years?” I stammered.

“Three hundred years for now. And for every life you take from this moment on you will live another year.” He said his face stoic and stern.

I stood looking at him as a fly landed on my face. I slapped it off out of reflex and it landed dead at my feet.

“Three hundred and ONE.”

“REALLY?!” I exclaimed.

“EACH life.” He said with an even sterner look in his eyes.

“Thy will be done.” I said as I dropped my sword and shield on the ground before me.

“Pick that up. Don’t leave your trash just lying here! What are you thinking?”

“Sorry my lord.” I said as I scrambled to pick up my belongings.

“Sorry.”

“Now go. Go into the world and be a better man. Be a true follower of the word.”

The world began to fade for a moment but stopped.

“OH and remember this one thing. Do not tell anyone of this dream. They will brand you a heretic and burn you at the steak and since you can’t die for three hundred and one years, it will be the most uncomfortable thing you’ve ever done.”

I woke with a start, almost falling out of my cot. Confused and wary of what had just transpired I walked out into the night looking around me to see if there was something that could verify or disprove what had just happened to me.

My hand trembled as it searched for the dagger I slept with every night. I raised it to my neck trembling and fearful. Just as the blade was about to bury itself in my neck I saw a most brilliant star twinkling in the night. It flashed at me three times and then streaked off across the night sky.

As quickly as I could I gathered my things and mounted my horse. I left the scene of butchery behind me that night. I rode and rode northward, ever northward to my home, to the life I left behind.

I was a deserter now. If I were found I would be beheaded for abandoning god in his holy quest. I was no longer a knight of the lord, nor could I enter a church for sanctuary. I was without a church and without a name.

The rain fell hard on my coif as I sat on a small cart pulled by my horse. I had missed the rains of my homeland for so long that when I finally got back to them, I despised them. Soaked to the bone and miserable I pulled up to my home just outside of Shefield. It was a small hut really suitable for my wife and I with a small filed for farming.

I walked to the door to see that my home was in need of some repair. Slowly I opened the door to find the place had been ransacked. My belongings lay everywhere as rain fell through holes in the roof.

“Cassandra?!” I called out.

“Cassandra?!” I called again clambering through the hut looking for my wife. She was not to be found. My home had been abandoned.

Stripping off my knightly garb, I put on my clothing that was not too badly off and slowly made for town. I clung to the roadside like a thief not wanting to be seen by anyone who would know me. It was important that I was not found. The punishment for desertion was severe.

I came upon the gates of my town covering my head and face; however it did not take long for me to discover my wife’s fate. Hanging from the large oak tree beside the town gates was body of my wife. Her peach skin now grey and festering, her once golden hair matted and colorless dripping from the days rain. I looked into her vibrant eyes only to see them foggy and grey like an English morning.

The news of my leaving the holy land had beaten me here and for my sins she paid with her life. The one person in the world that would have never hurt a soul now hung like a trophy at the gates of a town that knew her all too well and still found the courage to kill her for my sins.

I cannot explain the rage that filled me. It is impossible to explain even to this day. The fog of death fell over my head as I made my way back home. I dressed in full armor and as I did so I could hear god’s words in my head from the dream.

As I strode down the road to the town I could hear him telling me it was a bad idea. I knew the cost of what I was about to do and still I walked on. I entered the gates of that town and slashed the rope holding the gate open. It fell with a crash like thunder. I stood, waiting for the watch to come for me, my face twisted in a dire rage and as they rounded the corner my soul howled with delight and sadness.

I would recount the events that followed but I am unable to remember them. I know what happened, I saw the aftermath. I know it was me, my armor and my blade was slick with the blood of the town. However the actual events escape me. I like to think of it as god’s mercy.

I climbed over the walls of the town and cut my wife down. I wrapped her in my cloak and carried her to our home. I buried her at the foot of a small flowering tree and prayed for her soul to be sent to god begging him to forgive my sin to her and allow her to set by his side.

I then set my home a light and stood in the rain watching everything I held dear to me burn to ash and disappear from the face of the earth…

That was eight hundred and twenty five years ago. I spent my time on this planet going from place to place. Living in one town for a moment and then moving on. I have circled the globe seventeen times. Only in the last few hundred years have I began to build a nest for myself. Money and jewels to cover expenses and a modest underground home to hide me should my secret ever come to light.

I managed to live five hundred years without killing a fly, paying for my sins as god instructed. There has been the accidental ant or creeping bug that I did not see. One of the ironies I suppose.

In my solitude I have managed to understand the words that god had written down for him. The simple meaning behind what he had to say and how the ignorance of power hungry people could twist them into weapons.

I left you because I had to. There was no way I could explain to you how it was that I could not age. You were the first woman I ever loved after I buried my first wife so long ago. You and she were very similar. Your golden hair that shone in the sun, your skin soft and warm and welcoming in the night. Your blue eye, soft and gentle reminded me of her grey eyes that stole my soul.

I hope you like it here. There are lilac trees around so in spring the air is full of their scent in the warm breeze. I will stop by from time to time to make sure you are being cared for. I believe I still have a couple hundred years left and I will miss you for a great many days.

If you should run into Cassandra say hello to her. Befriend her and tell her how sorry I am that I killed her. I have no need of salvation for myself as long as you both are with god. I love you, good bye for now…