talking out of turn

it happened again this morning…

he sat at the side of the bed staring at me until i woke up do we could go outside…

i wandered around the house looking for him, then sat on the couch looking into his empty room hoping beyond hope that he was there sleeping…

i could almost see him there…

it was a very bad 3 hours…

cried myself to sleep…

she called an hour after i did fall asleep…

she was crying and telling me how much she missed him…

i hung up on her…

if she missed him she would not have abandoned him…

the real world is empty and cold and soon the rain is going to fall and i will set in my doorway watching it rain without him cuddling up on my lap…

he feared the rain and we would set in the doorway under his thunder blanket while i held him tight and warm…

its been 22 days now but feels like its only been 22 minutes…