First love

Well, he wasn’t exactly my first love; he was my third, but he was like my real first love; we went through so much. We were best friends before we started dating, but when we started dating, it was a little awkward, until eventually we got comfortable. He met my parents; they liked him; we had our first Thanksgiving together; he brought food to us that his family makes; he came for my birthday; I told my parents it was a surprise, though I knew it. He came over with my family for Christmas; it was my cousin’s birthday, and he took pictures. We did so much together, but we broke up because of a problem that came up with my parents. After that, they didn’t like him anymore and told me to stop dating him. I loved him so much that I went behind their back; I always got in trouble for it. I even ended up at his house once, but they brought me back. I still continued because he made me feel heard and seen; he saw me like he truly saw me. He saw my pain, he saw my efforts, he listened to every word I said, and he took care of me like his life depended on it. He is so special to me because I used to be so bad; I used to be depressed. I had these voices in my head that he made go away. But after everything, we still loved each other. We online dated through the summer until we saw each other at school again. He was there a week and moved, but then later on we broke up because of my fault. After that, we kept going back and forth; he always checked on me with no intention of getting back with me. He said he wanted me to stop risking myself and getting in trouble, but I did it gladly as long as I was with him. I would always let him check on me, because I was happy he cared, though part of me wanted to say, “Please leave me alone.” After eventually we argued really hard, I told him to stop checking on me, and he listened, which ouch. I had my phone taken, and after the last argument three months later, I logged into my Instagram, and he sent me long paragraphs, and it was him apologizing, and I forgave him. That same day, he told me, “I love you; I’ve been trying to hide it, but that’s the truth.” He said, “There’s no one like you, not one damn person,” and that made my heart flutter. We were together for about 2 months. We had a mini breakup, and he said we could be just friends, but when we were together in person, he “accidentally” kissed me, which I’m glad. We always dated in secret, so his mom did not know until she did; she told him to deal with it, and so he broke up with me. He said he would not defy his mom, which I totally understand, but it was hard because I chose him over my family. And two weeks later, I text him to check on him, and he tells me he has a girlfriend, and I am very deeply hurt because we had been so committed to each other that it felt wrong. It’s been a month since we broke up, and it hurts so bad. I’ve never felt true pain. I’m only a high school student, but I saw him in my future. I’m going to college next year, and I looked forward to seeing him since we both go to the same community college right now, but that’s over. I want to get over him and move on as he did, but it hurts so much.

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March 15, 2024

Learn from it and move on, you still have plenty of time to grow.  You said you were sad before him… nobody is going to make you happy.  You have to learn to love yourself.  Only then can you truly love somebody else.