Friends

He says that due to the fact that I couldn’t look at him yesterday, we cannot be friends. which doesn’t make sense; even when we were together, he knew I couldn’t make eye contact with him. But I knew what he meant; I had my head down, which I always did when we were together. He said he had hope in me; he said he doesn’t know why he always has hope in me when nothing good ever comes out of me. He said he wants to see me grow, but he doesn’t want to be in my life. He said that it’s always bad whenever he’s involved with me. That hurt. It hurt really bad. I broke down, and I told him he knew I was always like this and that I’m sorry he wasted hope on me. I honestly thought he wouldn’t have that with me anymore. I told him it was fine. when really I should be getting angry at him for calling off over stupid eye contact. I love him, but he’s doing me good by doing this. As much as it hurts, it should’ve been me who called it off. I knew it wasn’t doing me any good to be his friend. He said we were better off as friends and that we never should have gotten together, but that’s a lie because I helped him find himself as much as he helped me. I just hope that this time he’ll go without talking to me for a long time. I need to be away from him for the longest time. its pain and relief at the same time. Now I just have to dive into my pain, cry it all out until there are no more, and drain myself out of the tears. This is good; it should be good. At least soon I’ll go to work, and I won’t have to be focused on him; I’ll be distracted, and I’m excited to go to work.