Like it or Leave it

It’s been so long since I’ve updated. I’ve been wrapped up in life. Taking care of my family. Trying to reconnect with high school friends to see what they’ve been up to for the past 8.. 9 years. Sometimes I get so busy that it will be days before I talk to someone again.. but then again as busy as I am sometimes, I manage to sit down if only for a few minutes to let curtain people know I care. Life is to short not to stop and say hi every once in a while. To make time for the ones you love. It’s the greatest feeling to know that a simple letter could brighten someones worst day.. a phone call, no matter how short, could have such an affect when it’s just the person you wanted to talk to. The simplest thing could mean so much to the next person.. so then why is it so hard for some to do a simple thing? Thats a question that will haunt me for years to come.

My heart is an open book poured out for many, some who have done me wrong and each time I’ve managed to pick up the pieces along with the lessions they’ve taught me. Those lessions have built a force field around my mind.. making it harder for the next to get close. I let it down once again.. fell in love with someone who’s always so busy.. I’m always about pleasing the ones I love.. making sure they know I’m there for them.. even if what I do maybe a simple phone call or a letter..  having faith that hopefully this one will work out.. for the long hall…

I’m not the type to ask for things, if I can do without then I will. Or I’ll find a way around things.. and get what I want. if I want it bad enough..I’d rather give and see the joy on that person’s face.. thats thanks enough.  some say I give to much to soon. I’m not selfish enough. I’m to nice.. maybe I am. But believe me, I can be just as much a bitch on the other end of the scale.

I must have a sign on my fore head that says "stupid" as well. Some people think because I don’t have children of my own that I know nothing about raising a child.. and they know so much after 6 months of giving birth to their first child.  Give me a break.. I took care of both of my sisters when they were babies (one of which I still take care of now) my 3 year old niece since she was born.. my cosins 3 kids and the oldest is 16 now… I know more than most put together, but yet since I didn’t give birth to one, I don’t know shit… like that makes much of a difference? I think not.  just like most think that I’m stupid when it comes to other things because I have yet to experience them.. look I may have alot to learn still but I’m not stupid. I may not be the prettiest girl, woman walking the face of the earth but I’m not the ugliest either..  I may not be rich when it comes to money but I have enough love to give for the whole world to last a lifetime..I’d still give you the shirt off my back if you needed it. I’d gladly be there to listen and a sholder to cry on if needed. I may have my flaws but so does every one else.. some of mine might be seen by the world but you can be sure that when you see me you’re seeing someone real.. I have nothing to hide. I’m me

I show who I am in everything I do.. most judge me by the fact that I still live at home.. that I haven’t done much since high school.. you know what I say to that? They don’t know me, they have no right to assume anything and I don’t have to prove anything. I know what I am.. and a lazy stupid bum  is not one of those.on a list of things.  I am worth something.. someday maybe someone will see that.. but for now.. who cares. I know who and what I am. Don’t like it? you know where the door is… don’t let it slam you in the ass on the way out.

 In other news I’ve been packing.. getting ready to move so I’m hardly online and I don’t keep up with my friends as much as I like but as soon as we are moved in and settled I will update and keep up with those few in my life who are worth something. I have a feeling this year will be a good one. we’ll see how it all turns out.. til next time..

~Lily