Was I meant for this?

Just when you think it can’t get any better it does. Mr. wonderful is no where around. why who knows. But yet again I feel like a fool. Everyone says I’m wasting my time. Then again what time? To some I don’t have much time left. Like a flower when the petals wilt and fall off.. it’s to late.  Or like the rain bow..  a bueatiful light of colors.. catch a glimps while you can before it fades. Please. I’m not going to fade into nothing at least not right away. Why is it so hard to be seen and loved for who I am.. why in the hell would someone promise things such as a chance at a wonderful life together and tell you that he loves you so much and thinks of you everyday. But then.. he can’t pick up the phone because something came up.. and here I sit like a dumb ass hoping that he’ll call when he says he will. And make up excuses for him when he doesn’t. “It’s so important I e-mail him” so because I love him I do just that every day. I’m lucky if I get an e-mail once a week. If I don’t e-mail for a while.. oh he’s so hurt. well what does he think I feel like?

I feel like I’m being played and I’m not sure of anything anymore. I hate this feeling. I hate not knowing what’s going on or were “we” are going. At this point it doesn’t look like we’re going far and here I hoped and really thought.. he’s the one.  what the hell am I suppost to do with this? I know the answer.

Then my family, I sware they can’t just leave me the hell alone. I’m tired of having to answer to everyone about everything. If I put my foot down and stand up for what I believe in I’m treating them like shit. Hello?! Respect is a two way street. I’m tired of being a door matt for people to wipe their feet on and always being told that it’s my falut. 27 and still having to answer to them like I’m 5. Give me a break. I wish I had known 8 years ago that this would happen.  

God I wish I could just run.. anywhere.