Where to Begin?
I frequently overthink everything, and I mean everything. I suppose part of that is due to my previous traumas, and in part, some of it is just due to the genetics I have been “graced” with; anxiety seems to run in the family, and evidence has shown that it will only increase with age, so that’s something to look forward to. You’d think that with the overwhelming amount of thoughts that I constantly have, I’d have so much that I’d want to write about… and it would all spill out onto these virtual pages, but the translation from thoughts into written word seems to be way more difficult than I would have imagined. I think some of the trouble is that I don’t exactly know where to begin. Maybe there really is just too much to get out. But the only way to begin and get through something is to begin simply, to start small, and so here I am.
I am a mother, a stepmother, and a wife. I am a student pursuing my Master’s Degree. I am as unbiased as I can be, strive to bring equality and justice for all (especially within education), and I have so many ideas and thoughts on how the world can become a better place. And yet, I feel insignificant. The pandemic plays a role in that.
I live in Kenosha. I live right in the epicenter of where a police officer shot a man in the back 7 times. I believe that regardless of whatever his reasonings were, shooting a man in the back no longer becomes self-defense. Shooting a man in the back becomes a matter of racism, amplified with the fact that a bullet entered his body not once, not twice, not three times, but SEVEN times. I believe that the root of the problem is systemic. I believe that the officer that shot this man may believe that he is not racist, in fact, he may hold implicit biases against people of color. He may truly feel that his actions were not unwarranted. However, the problem with that herein lies in the fact that systemic racism is perpetuated by the silence white people allow. White privilege exists.
And then there’s the pandemic. So many people think it’s a hoax, and yeah I am sure it has been exaggerated to some extent, but at the same time, it does exist. It has taken so much from me, and has given me some advantages, but overall it has just created a mess of disappointments and stress again and again.
2020 has been a horrific year. So much damage, so much disaster. And, yet, some of the best things happened in 2020 – I now have my daughter who is such a tiny, yet overwhelmingly strong, spiritual healer. She brings so much joy.
Welcome to my brain. There will be more chaos to follow.
I agree with you on the racism and the pandemic. It is fracking crazy! Seven times is NOT self defense! And yes, the pandemic is real. The young are perpetuating it with their parties and what not…. that’s good that 2020 gave you a ray of hope.
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What is amazing is these landmark experiences will not even be remembered by our children. I was kind of sad about the things my youngest doesn’t remember but then I saw him watching things from the outside and his reaction was actually heartening.
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“2020”- The novel no one could have written in advance and gotten it past the editor.
“A pandemic? Insane presidential politics? People just plain denying common sense and science? Thirty named storms? Huge wildfires? Massive protests? Over police killing people? In front of onlookers and on tape? And the government turns on the protesters?
Just stop. Stop there. I know you says there’s more, but come on! You’ve got to cull some of these ridiculous subplots. Pick a lane. No one, I mean no one, would believe this.”
But as you say, you have a reason for optimism. A better world must be built.
She deserves it.
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