GROWING UP WITH AN EATING DISORDER

Not all of the things in the last one apply to me, but it still touched me because it was so insightful. So maybe it will touch the people who can really identify with it even more than it did me.

Do you remember…
… the first step you took
…the first time you got on that big yellow school bus
… your first friend
…the first book you read
…the first time you shot a basketball, went to a dance or wore a swimsuit
…leaving elementary school and entering junior high or middle school
…how you could never leave your mother’s side

Do you remember…
…the first time someone made fun of you and you realized what it meant?
…the first time you inspected yourself in the mirror poking and squeezing?
…the first time you cried yourself to sleep because you were hideous looking?
…the first time you ran a mile or did 100 crunches?
…the first time someone complemented you on a weight loss?
…the frist meal you skipped?
…the first time you went down a size?
…the first time you looked in a mirror and no longer saw yourself?
…the first time you stood up and the room turned black for a little bit?
…the first time you felt your bones and ran your fingers over your ribs?
…the first time you lost control and how sore your throat was?
…the first time your friends confronted you and how you cried?

Do you remember…
…how you lied to them
…trying to hide, pulling away from everyone
…the world swirling around and you so all alone, afraid and tired
…the questions what do you have? who saw you? when was your last period?
…when it all came out and your family sent you to the doctors?
…them telling you that you could no longer do things?
…wanting to cry and not being able to?
…the pain you feel now, knowing nothing had changed?