LOOKING FOR THINSPIRATION

Demean me. Humiliate me. Re-enforce the self-hate and little self worth I already feel.

“LIZzY, you have thin thighs. You could wear those hot pants.”

“No, I don’t. Ask Nez – Nez, I have fat thighs, don’t I?”

Say yes. Say yes and make me more determined to lose them.

It’s 2 AM. I am awake on caffeine, in my room listening to loud music.

‘With or Without You’ – U2. Makes me feel like I’m the screwed up main character in a chic-flic of my taste, as I cut pictures out of magazines.

I am up this late because I am dedicated to going through every magazine I own and cutting out thinspiration pictures of models that will inspire me to lose weight off my legs. I will stick them in a book and look at them whenever I feel the need.

I may not want to be a model, but I certainly want to be able to be one if I wanted to be. I don’t want to be labeled ‘too fat’ for anything. Any occupation.

_________________________________________________________

It’s now 3AM. As I listen to the music, and rip out pictures of the beautifully thin models, I can feel myself keeping the tears in. It’s the music. A lot of the songs have lyrics too meaningful for my tired mind. I cannot let them fall. I have kept myself from crying for too long to break down now. Soon my body will learn not to cry, as my mind has, and I will not feel the urges. I can literally feel the tears weighing heavy on my mind. Weird feeling.

Maybe I’m just tired.

hey…i’m krystal…random note…i like your diary and your words…i should really do the same thing, except i dont have the guts to…night krystal

don’t post crap about “thinspiration” in the fitness circle. you clearly don’t care about being healthy-don’t bring the rest of us down.

April 16, 2005

Hm. I’m sorry…that you’re too close minded to accept all the entries posted in ‘your’ circle. Just ’cause I use thinspiration to inspire me to slim down doesn’t mean it’s crap. Some people need to learn that it’s a big world and that there is no issue on which everybody has the same point of view. This is mine. Cya!

hey…thanks for the note…yeah i should probably try that aye…could be a whole lot easier…thanks…baiz

peu "bold" moi

April 17, 2005

Nothing’s wrong with yellow in winter. And nothing’s wrong with you. Stop being so hard on yourself. Stop being so hard on your body. You don’t deserve such torture. Love,

As someone who is literally fleeing from the ED circle in an attempt to lose weight healthfully, I dont appreciate this being posted in the fitness circle. This is my opinion. I’ve been a part of both circles, and I think they should stay seperate.

just a breath of you

April 18, 2005

Busker

April 19, 2005

Hey Lizzy, Chances are youll read this once & forget about it. But you could choose to pay attention… Your passion means that you’re alive. Your pain means that you’re real. Passion to better yourself is something that half the people on this earth will never know. Maybe you just need to go about your passion in a different way? Has it been successful yet? and do you feel better for it?

i did that too except i cut out only stomachs.

.glam.

April 21, 2005

i have a “thinspiration” book also. its great for when i feel like binging…

.dying.to.be.thin.

hey you should go to the body image or the eating disorder/body image circle.. theres a lot of support there. :D.

I really like what you wrote too. You sound just like me in some ways. Anyways, good luck! Don’t let others bring you down. em