**LIZzY**

August 10, 2005

Previous: TELL ME ABOUT WEED (please)

PLEASE NOT ALL OVER AGAIN

i feel like i felt last year, when i was so screwed. I felt suffocated in groups, alone all the time. Like nobody was being real with me. I felt surrounded by lies. Detached from everybody. Nobody notices enough to help me. Or is it me that won’t accept the help?

I really feel friendless. Like all my friends are using me for one thing or another. How can I stop this paranoia?

I’m not playing netball this Saturday. The cuts on my arm are healing as dents in my arm instead of scabs, which has never happened before, so anyway makeup doesn’t help even a tiny bit to cover them up cause they aren’t just surface. I told my coach I was going to be away for the weekend so I couldn’t play. And I told my mum there was no game on. There’s makeup in my cuts. I can’t get it out.

I was trying to make myself happy this morning in maths. I heard from a frend that councellors tell people who are depressed to write a list of things they like about themselves. Here’s a list of things I like about myself:

I like my thin arms
I like that my tummy isnt flabby
I like my fingernails (accept for when I have to cut them for netball)
I like that I’m good at being fake
I like my lips
My eyes
my music taste
My cut up left arm (God knows why I would like that but looking at it now…its so…something only I have. It is full of memories, even though they’re bad.
My upfront personality
My handwriting

So ya..looking at that list really does make me a bit happier.

Something inme is really sick. Like something in my brain must be screwed for me to be like this. I dont know who to ask for help. I’m so bad at talking about shit like this.

These diary entries are me talking about the stuff going on in my head. You guys are the listeners. Your notes are my help. This site and all you guys do so much for me like that. Thankyou. Even though you don’t really think you’ve made an important difference by leaving a note (10 seconds after you’ve left it you’ve probably forgotten about it), it does do somthin n everytime i read my notes im smiling and thanking you on the inside.

XxX

Pretty Tied Up

August 11, 2005

From reading this entry, I don’t think you should be so quick to get high (as mentioned in your last entry)

paint.me.pretty

yea babe, you gotta take care of yourself. and maybe find someone to talk to about all this shit in real life, not necessarily a counselor or anything, just SOMEONE. i think it might help a bit. but who knows. take care and be careful xoxo

unfold_me

WOah, this crazy because reading all that totally felt like reading something I wrote. I feel alot of the things you feel, its so crazy. I know its hard, and I know everyone feels it in different levels so its hard to understand 100% how you are feeling, but I’ve had similar feelings. I want you to know that even when I’m done writing this note and I go on with my day, I won’t forget about you.

I will think good thoughts your way and hope that you can feel even a little better. Please Take Care!! and be safe. lov always

I should really be the one thanking you. You remind me that there is someone out there who is as mixed up as me.

Ur siht you ass!!!!

half blood princess

Keep your chin up and keep going on!

wana have sex with me?

Hey I have an answer to why things matter. Your probubly

Smiling Princess

gona think I’m just an idiot who dosent know what shes talking about but things matter cause of god. he made things matter.

soliloquy girl

Hey, you are really young, but your seem like a smart girl, so I’ll tell you a bit about pot. I started smoking cigarettes when I was 15, and I had my first toke of pot at 16. The first time you smoke it, you won’t feel very much – I didn’t. You feel it the second or third time that you smoke – a walking through water feeling. Conversation flows easily, time is fluid, you laugh a lot.

However, pot has it’s drawbacks. It makes you hungry, tired, and kills your brain cells. Long term use has more negatives than smoking cigarettes. If you are prone to depression, I would be really careful about smoking pot it can make things heaps worse. If you need any more info, feel free to email me: apology_unacceptable@hotmail.com I’ll be honest with you.

you are a moronic 15 year old. you should still be playing with dolls. not pot. i don’t understand how your mom is a doctor yet her daughter seems to need some serious treatment for a couple of pretty major problems. you’re not “cool”. you’re a poser. please be a kid for a little longer. at least then you’ll have an excuse.

That’s good that you’ve been able to make a list of things you like about yourself. Keep your list and refer back to it as a reminder, whenever you feel down. 🙂

Liyoness Rampant

August 12, 2005

*Laugh* I remember netball in grades 4 and 5!!!!

Oh believe me, it’s just you..

pixie117

I have felt like you not too long ago even. Honestly, I do not know how to help you, because I just sort of ran away from them…but now that I am going back to the same friends who were like this to me, I am scared too…just thought you might like to know that you are not the only one *hugz*

CT_watchmebleed

August 13, 2005

I understand how you feel about people and things like that, school is starting back for me soon. ug! tons and TONS of huggs!!! Stay Strong oh, and what is Net Ball?

its in my eyes

i kno exactly how u feel..im sry ur goin through this.. -april

Unfortunately it is the trials of the different stages of life that a person must go through. And yes it sucks. At your age nothing ever seems to make sense and you hurt so bad so easily. But if you are lucky, you find someone you can talk to about everything, and it makes it just a bit easier. Day by Day, hour by hour, min by min, you will make it. Just Believe! Blessed Be!