THOUGHTS ARE BEING JUMPED IN MY HEAD

Basically a continuation of previous entries: ‘EXPLODE‘ and ‘EMOTIONLESS‘.

The fighting makes me want to shoot myself in the head. Writing the fighting down makes it worse, but at the same time it wants to come out.

I have almost acheived what I’ve wanted to do for so long – pretend so well that I trick myself – and right now I am right on the brink of making it work. In some ways it’s a terrible place to be because it’s so confusing – I can’t work out what I’m actually thinking. But in other ways it’s great. I’ve never been this close to my perfection before.

Is pretending you don’t care fake? ‘Cause then I’m being a hypocrite. The thing is though; I don’t care. I can’t be bothered to f*cking care about anything.

Thoughts of cutting fill my mind. If I just did one little cut, would anyone notice? Would it be worth it? I’m going to cut now. But only a little. Another f*cking ‘little’ reminder of what’s real.

This entry will be forgotten.

Warmthoughtsofyou

April 10, 2005

Maybe the entry will, but you wont. Thanks for your kind words. I got that quiz off ivillage.com it’s a branch of cosmopolitan.com it’s awesome you should check it out. “Friendship isn’t a big thing – it’s a million little things.-~Author Unknown”

Also hon, seriously, cutting is so bad. I did it off and on for like 4 years, and it’s just not good. It gets you in trouble eventually. With family, co-workers, teachers, peers. Sooner rather than later, they’re gonna stop buying your excuses, and then you’ll have to start cutting other places, like I did. I cut my stomach, legs, and other places…and they still found it. Be careful…

remember the bad times will end soon or adventually and then all thats left is the good times so don’t sabotage it or else the good times will never come by.