Go through it together…

I am not doin good.
My lungs hurts and I am loosing weight and good spirit.
I try to don’t lost hope.
I try so hard.
And it goes well.

School makes me so busy. -.-” Hate it!
Today is 10. month’s anniversary of my and Maciek’s relationship :O
It goes so fast! :O
Actually. I love him much more than before. At the beginning I was afraid he is going to leave me because of all those stuffs that are connected to my existence (pills, treatment, rehabilitation, pain, diet, doctors, tears…) or fact that I am not allowed to do everything I’d like to do (running, going for concerts, doing pogo…). Now I think it was stupid to be thinking about that.
Maciek is the only person who is out of my family and hadn’t left me when I couldn’t go out, was needed to stay in bed. When I was thinking about giving up he told me I can’t, because I have to be strong, fight and have hope. Because I need to share my love and god spirit. He’s right. I have to fight! I have no other solution.
My lungs don’t work good and he saw it today. He tried to explain me physics (LOL! it was good… I understand… generally… XD) and then we were lying in his bed listening to Nelly Furtado "Loose". Eating HARIBO Gold Bears. I was on his chest and he asked:
-Are you ok?
-Why You ask?
-I hear your lungs… And your breath is different… Have you got any problem with breathing?
-It hurts me… For two days I didn’t take deep breath, I don’t know what’s wrong… I am afraid, scared…
-Gosia, don’t be scared. It’s going to be all right. Let me hug you stronger.
Then he hugged me stronger and kissed my head.
-I can give you mine lungs, girl.
-They are too big, and you need them.
-I need you to be healthy, happy…
-I am happy.
-Loved?
-You don’t know how loved I feel.
-Good.
-Do you feel the same?
-No.
-Why?
-I feel more loved than you.
-Can’t be.
-But must be. I feel perfect when I have you near, hear that you are breathing and feel your smell. We’ll go through it together

I feel loved.
I have hope.
I will survive it guys!

Pic: by Ann