David Bowie Wants To Know…

Didja ever wonder?

I’m pretty sure that none of these thoughts are highly original to me.  Sometimes when I am sitting around doing nothing my brain takes off and I wonder about stuff.  Do you wonder?

• Since light travels faster than sound, is that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
• How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?
• If it is zero degrees outside today, and it is supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
• Why do you press harder on the remote control when you know that the battery is dead?
• Why are they called buildings when they are already finished?  Shouldn’t they be called "builts"?
• Why are they called apartments, when they are all stuck together?
• Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?
• Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?
• Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
• Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
• The light went out, but where to?
• Why do banks charge you an "insufficient funds" fee on money they already know you don’t have?
• Does the rever side also have a reverse side?
• If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backwards, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
• If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
• Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
• When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?
• Do fish get cramps after eating?
• Why are there 5 syllables in "monosyllabic"?
• Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outside?
• If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
• When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
• Why is it, when a door is open it is ajar, but when a jar is open it is not a door?
• Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll belive you.  Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
• How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
• If "con" is the opposite of "pro", what is the opposite of progress?
• Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
• How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t grow in it?
• Why buy a product that takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
• Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
• Why do we wash bath towels?  Aren’t we clean when we use them?
• Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
• Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
• Do Roman paramedics refer to "IV’s" as "4’s"?
• What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
• If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
• Do married people really live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?
• Isn’t Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
• Sooner or later doesn’t everyone stop smoking?
• War doesn’t determine who is right, just who is left.
• Before the invention of drawing boards, what did people go back to?
• How do I set my laser printer on stun?
• How is it possible to have a civil war?  Do they apologize before and after murdering you?
• If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
• If love is blind, why all the lingerie?
• If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
• If the #2 pencil is most popular, why is it still #2?
• If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
• If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
• If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
• Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
• Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
• Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
• Why is the alphabet in that order?  Is it because of that song?
• What happens when none of your bees wax?
• If most car accidents occur within 5 miles of home, why doesn’t everyone just move 10 miles away?
• If all those pyschics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
• Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren’t really dressing up as ghosts but are really dressing up as mattresses?
• Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
• Should manicurists give discounts to people missing fingers? 
• If the black box recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why don’t they just make the whole plane from the same stuff?
• If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
• Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
• Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
• Atheism is a nonprophet organization.
• Who is FICA and why is he getting all my money?