Playing Catch Up.

Sometimes I wonder if I am punishing myself.  You know, kinda taking up where my parents left off. 

• Eating like crap in spite of already having health issues because of it.  There are many reasons I think I do this.  Because I was denied food when I was younger, because I was forcibly forced to eat food I did not want, because there were times when I was a kid, living on my own when I literally could not afford to eat and was too proud to go to a soup kitchen.  Because, because, because. 
• Smoking knowing full well how bad it is for me.  Feeling like shit at times, like a virtual outcast in today’s society at others.  Yet I continue to do it.  Again, yes, it’s addicting but I’ve overcome worse things than an addiction to nicotine before.
• Not taking medications because I don’t like the side effects in spite of knowing it’s for the longer good if I do.

I wonder about this so that makes me aware of the issues, why can’t I do anything to change it? 

Not good.

I finally found a new home for Coco.  A forever home.  Emily is a 54-year-old retired nurse from Roxbury and if first impressions are anything others probably would not have adopted a dog to her.  She’s covered in tattoos and well, just looks hard.  But I’ve never met another person, other than my fellow rescue people, who is so ga ga over dogs.  She literally could not be a more capable, loving adoptive home for an animal.  

It was very, very hard for me to give Coco up.  I cried and cried for days.  But it was the best thing for him and as it turned out, for her too.  She had recently lost her dog whom she’d had for 10-years from cancer.  She’s divorced and done recovering from adrenal gland cancer.  Yup…brain surgery.  She didn’t tell me that in the whole screening process…but it didn’t matter.  All of her references came back stellar, one was the animal control officer from Stoughton. 

When I brought him to her she ran across the street, took one look in the back seat at him and started crying.  Since I was already teary that was all it took, then both of us are standing in the middle of frikken Martin Luther King Blvd. in Roxbury crying our eyes out and hugging.  Since he’s been with her, almost a week now, she’s either emailed me or called me fretting over every little thing.  LOL 

It was a very long process, my longest foster ever as a matter of fact and the only one I allowed myself to get attached to, so it was a hard process to let him go.  But I am so glad I waited and followed my gut.  I believe he was simply made to go to her.  He’s been perfectly at ease and at home since day one. 

I did good.

Brian’s not doing so well…I don’t want to talk about that but it’s been freaking me out.  I had to verbally kick some ass last week with his doctor and now he’s back on the road to proper recovery.

That’s all I want to go into on that one.  If I think about it too much I start fretting again. 

That does me no good.