Women Stink
Sharing.
It’s official. We reek apparently. What’s more it’s a natural, normal thing for a woman to give off such a foul stench that there are any number of products to (thank the lord!) help us control it enough to be accepted into everyday (clean) society.
Feminine Hygiene products. Never have three worlds stirred such rage in a normally (it’s true) easy-going person.
Maybe I could interest you in some Feminine Wash (suitable for everyday use of course) so that you can wash all the evil off before you leave your home every morning.
Or maybe some Intimate Care Mousse – specially formulated for all day freshness donchaknow? I’m sure that’ll have you sleeping more soundly at night huh?
Remember to stock your (no doubt impractically small, delicate) handbag with some
- Feminine Wipes handily packaged in a "discrete bathroom pack" to shield normal people from the horror of accidentally having to look at your shame products
- Odour absorbing Feminine Powder to try to smother the problem at its source
- Feminine Deodorant Compact Spray – designed so that it is perfect for dropping into your handbag. Just in case you encounter a stench emergency throughout the day.
And don’t forget to strap on a scented Pantyliner (choice of Lavender or other such refined ‘good girl’ fragrances) to ensure no ongoing repulsive secretions can contaminate your underwear/clothing/the environment as they are produced. There are other people in society dammit! For God’s sake think of the children! We all deserve (discreet, breathable) protection from such unspeakable filth.
Most importantly, never EVER forget to have a bumper tube of Fast Acting Feminine Cream to soothe and relieve feminine itching, burn and irritation which will no doubt result from sticking a VAT LOAD OF UNNATURAL, HARMFUL CHEMICALS UP YOUR HOO-HAH.
Get this idiots. The vulva (oh no! She said a dirty word!) is a self-cleansing, delicately balanced environment. Using the aforementioned "feminine hygiene" products will upset that balance (no matter how "gentle" or "PH balanced" they are) leaving the admittedly rather gullible product user (self-loathing clearly baked in at fundamental level) with an unnaturally lowered defence mechanism against such conditions as feminine *spits* itching, burn and irritation (amongst other things) and (oh the irony!) a greater propensity to odor (unnaturally occuring smells caused by introducing foreign substances into a complex, internal environment).
Why are there no similarly-marketed masculine hygiene products (formulated for everyday use)? Don’t MEN’s pubic areas stink? Don’t they naturally secrete evil and contaminate decent society with their rancid juices? Why is there no equivalent handy pocket-sized odor eliminating spray (for application under the foreskin and down the urethra), or self adhesive scented pads (with a choice of pine or sandalwood fragrances)? Hmmm. It’s a thinker.
It’s sad to see that people throughout society today (with the help of chirpy, upbeat advertising) are perpetuating the abhorrent myth that women are naturally dirty beings.
Argh!
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to strap on my "unclean" sign and ring my bell.
LOL. My gosh, that is the funniest thing I’ve ever read…but aint it the truth??? I completely agree. I especially hate it that whenever I’m having a bad day, or just disagree with a man I’m told to ‘go take some midol’. Or worse yet, ‘God, don’t you have any more vagisil to slick on your netherregion?’ Shame to all men!
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May I ask how the hell you got on this topic? your right men.. ew.. they do stink.. ha!
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*shakes fist* Right! I feel the need to say…I’ve always had the personal opinion that my ass on my worst day smells better than any guy’s ass on his best day. And that’s something I’ve experienced personally. Urgh.
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*spit* Love it!
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Sandalwood masculine pads are a really good idea.
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i agree, i think the manufacturers invented these problems for us. where there is an insecurity, there’s a market. i couldn’t disagree more, i love the scent we women have. and i know it’s too much info, but sometimes i just sit there and inhale and think about how good it smells to be a woman. also, i LOVE the scent of man-crotch. heh!! or just of a man who has been walking around and broke a
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little sweat. i sometimes walk by someone and inhale and go “mmmmmmm….”
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no no, women smell wonderful. trust me, I sniff all day long
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So true….sheesh!
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ROFLM(notsostinky)AO!!
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I prefer, nay.. LOVE the natural smell. Carry on.
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I smell pretty.
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you are hilarious!!! my grandfather (who was a dr.) always said to never use douches bc your vagina cleans itself. so i never have. and i am paranoid about smell but i just wash with regular soap. *shrugs* i think unnamed co-worker sometimes smells like she doesn’t wash herself. maybe her vagina isn’t self-cleaning?
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I’m so glad someone nominated this to RC. I went to nominate it and look! It was already there. *smooch*
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PS: My na na smells like ROSES! 😛
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😉 Can you picture them with that pad bluge in the buttocks area? LOL
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i think my hoo-ha smells like roses compared to the stank that a man secretes.
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Wonderful! I used to be insecure about it all…but I’ve heard men say too many times how they LOVE the scent of a woman.. the NATURAL scent unchanged by feminine “insecurity” products. (I’m not sexually active, just heard the male race praise the scent they all secretly love). Secretions come and go, scents change and stay the same, infections annoy and stink us up…but really, you have to love
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the scent of a woman! And honestly, when God created woman, he created his most BEAUTIFUL creation! Compare a woman to every other thing in the world created by God… does anything REALLY compare to our all around beauty? Even the SCENT is incredible… beautiful…amazing! Women are wonderful(I’m not a lesbian, or a fem rights activist, just thankful to be fem!!!) Love your scent ladies!
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Oh dear!
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The worst part is, these things so mess up our natural balance that we spend half our lives going to the doctor to get prescriptions to clear up this or that problem that is caused by a lack of good bacteria that’s wiped out (excuse the pun) by all these products.
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I thought this was going to be about walking through the perfume section of a women’s department store…
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“Most importantly, never EVER forget to have a bumper tube of Fast Acting Feminine Cream to soothe and relieve feminine itching, burn and irritation which will no doubt result from sticking a VAT LOAD OF UNNATURAL, HARMFUL CHEMICALS UP YOUR HOO-HAH.” Thank you!!! lol
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Yay! I can read your notes again! Sorry, i am slow on the uptake here….. Loved this entry! Vintage Mel! =;p
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I love you and your stank ass.
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hahaha yeah, right on man! Where is the “masculine hygiene spray” for stinky-ass men! (Oh I think I made a punny!!) *smoochies*
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did you come up with this yourself? the writing seems different from what I’m used to.
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I marvel all the time at how these products stick around. It’s amazing what a simple daily shower will do. You don’t need all that crap! And while we’re on the topic, what’s with the awful scent they’re slapping on some brands of pads/tampons these days? You can smell that aisle in the store from a mile away! I don’t want to smell like that for a week!
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lol
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comin from an old lesbian, women smell wonderful. that ‘funk’ that we are lead to beleive is ‘stank’ is GORGEOUS!!!! as napolean wrote to josephine ‘will be home in 3 weeks, don’t bathe’ i so get it
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Got you on random. And besides, women shower, sometimes…men don’t! I think they so deserve the everyday masculine products!
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I love this!
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Oh, I SO agree. No ‘feminine deodorant” things for me.
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lol i love this entry! i for one have never used such products – even though my bf loves to procliam to the world in Wal Mart that i need some vagisil for the itch caused by my case of crabs.. yeah i should get them in bulk at Sam’s lol
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You are so right! LOL!
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i LOVED this. 🙂 🙂
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I think these products cause paranoia.
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Rock on, sister.
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Uh, yeah, my husband’s genital area has a smell, and no, it’s not a turn-on. It’s more like old peanut butter. They need a spray for that.
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There’s Axe. They’re working on us, trust me. http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=C104458&entry=10163&mode=chapter&chapter=3 Ah, memories.
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Men are stinky! There stuff smells like Clorox and then it stinks us up. Those small panty liners are invented for the residual of the man.
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What’s all this about endangered feces?
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Hmmm…Have you ever read ‘Bloody Hell’ by Naamah? Funny stuff.
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Adding to the incredibly long list of notes here… *Snorts* It is true though. Yay for society.
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Oh man, men stink far more than women do. They sweat more, and… bleh.. yeah, I remember the smell of complete and utter ASS when the guys would come home from carpentry work. BLEH. YUCK. EW.
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would you mind terribly if I printed this out and hung it on my fridge? Its too funny, but too true. BTW, where the fuck do you think of this shit!?!? (lovehatred)
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RYN: My diary is still under construction.. A little too.. girly?? for me. But I am a girl, and I need to start acting like one. But that doesn’t mean I am going to stick a vibrator in my ass. Oops, did I say that?
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oh man, no fucking way! Can I say fuck here?
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RYN: Who is it that you “look just like”?
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Preach it! I don’t think anyone’s netherregions are supposed to smell nice, but I’m always paranoid that I can smell me and everyone else can too. Of course they can’t, but it’s the insecurites that the media has placed into my psyche. As for men, sometime that “musk” smell isn’t too bad. I like to wear hubby’s dirty shirt around the house because it smells like him. It’s comforting.
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Oh, but I’ve gone on this tirade many times before. I’m with ya, sista! Now, pass the waterless cleansing wipes and delicately scented feminine spray ….
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oooh, you said fuck.. I’m telling your momma…
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*queef*
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HAHA this is hilarious. I love it. and thank you for your note. your words mean a lot
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I agree – who is that stinky that they need all that crap? Seriously!
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This is the best! And I’m happy to thank my Mom for not using the de-stank products and telling me that they aren’t healthy for me. She rocked.
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I loved this.
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This is brilliant. LMFAO!
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I don’t stink. Infections cause smells, as well as mentrual blood exposed to air. (I use a Keeper, so my periods have very little odor.) And I think I’ve douched maybe twice in my life before I figured out that it was stupid.
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Could not agree more on this!
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It’s a strange world, is it not?
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And to pass on a little knowledge: Zinc is a great deodorizing mineral. It keeps body odor in check b/c it stops the growth of bacteria on your skin. So if you are smellin’ foul…eat some cashews. I know you are so grateful for that tidbit. No need to thank me. A ridiculous amount of praise will be sufficient. My work here is done.
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