A Slimy Awakening

I was sound asleep this morning when the dogs woke me up by a sound in the ceiling fan. A minute later something fell from the fan & the chase was on. Tibby caught it at the head of my bed, & because I didn’t want him to eat whatever it was, I got up & pried his mouth open so I could kill it. But when I opened his mouth & the thing fell out, it sure as hell wasn’t a wasper like I had first assumed…it was a damn lizard! Of course, I didn’t know it was a lizard at first b/c all I saw was this 3 inch slimy thing, still wiggling around in the floor. It scared the shit outta me because I thought it might have been a baby snake, perhaps a baby copperhead. The dogs tried to get it once again so I had to step on it with my shoe &, with one foot still on it, find something to pick it up with. Luckily I found an old container. Then I scooped up its dead body, worried it was still alive & was gonna jump on me.

Hell, just last night I was running all over the house for about 5 minutes trying to kill a mosquito the size of my hand. I even smacked poor lil Jasper really hard in the face with a flyflapper b/c I was swatting at the damn thing with all my might. It’s bad enough I have to deal with wasps, bees, flies, gnats, coyotes, snakes, spiders, & dumbass rednecks. But now I gotta deal with lizards & mutant mosquitoes, too? Man, sometimes I just fucking hate country-life…

 </p