I saw a baby today.
It’s still so hard for me to accept the fact that this is it for me. That I will never experience that. How unfair.
I know I should be grateful I have 2 wonderfully, amazing, loving, happy, healthy kids….I shouldnt long for more, I shouldnt feel like something is missing.
But I cant help but feel that way.
How selfish of me when there are more women out there than there should be who are deserving and longing for even just one.
I have 2.
I am lucky.
I am grateful.
I am blessed.
But I am not complete, not whole.
I selfishly want to experience child birth.
I selfishly want more children.
Part of me is afraid. Why ruin a good thing? Why take the chance of having a risky pregnancy/unhealthy child?
What about the part of me that is angry with myself for bringing children into this world? This world that has no uncertain future? Why would I do that again?
Because, my heart wants to.
Because I want to.