Uh huh, this is life……..

The weekend was good.  We were supposed to have date night Saturday but ended up playing poker with my sister and Billy.

They truly are frustrating me already.  I have opened my home to them, and, after a week, Im wondering if I made the right choice.

I made it quite clear Sunday that I expected EVERYONE in the house to at least clean up the dishes they use.  I instated a new rule.  If you use a dish you MUST wash it, if the dishwasher is empty then put it there, if it is full, of clean dishes, you must unload it then place your dish in, if its nearly full and you complete it, then you must start the dishwasher.  Quite simple right?  So tell me why, after dinner last night, did they just get up and go to bed?  Left dishes on the table, my nephew had made a mess, and I had spent most of the day loading and unloading the dishwasher.

Thats not just it.  I said that Sunday was house cleaning day and told my sister everyone had to help……Billy was no where to be found most of the day.

On top of that, when they moved in, we had an agreement, whatever expenses they could help out with, we would appreciate, but we at least needed $50 a week.  I know that we will only get the minimal $50 a week.  Hence the reason I actually threw that in, I knew that if I just left it as whatever they could help out with, we would NEVER get any money, they would always have the excuse that they didnt have any money, so I threw that in to cover us.  Still havent gotten any money and its been a week.

I just, I dont know, was this the right choice?

Since nothing but dial up is available in our neck of the woods for the time being, Stephen installed a phone line last night in the office, it wouldnt connect, gotta play with it some more, by then it was late and we were tired.

My eye is hurting tremendously today.  The left, which seems to be dilated, much larger than the right.  Not sure why.  Its been making me feel sick all day, like Im going to hurl.  I hate this.  Plus, did I mention, my eyesight has gone to hell.  Especially in the left eye.  Im back to not being able to see again, Ive had to bring a magnifying glass to work so I can actually get some work done.  Quite disappointing.  I’m trying to get back with the foundation, so they can help out with the corrective procedure.  I thought when I had the cataract surgery I was done.  I guess I was wrong.

Friday, before leaving work, I was talking with the girl I work with.  We were both boasting about our husbands.  Her husbands sister is me, a few years ago.  The funny part is, I had just got done reading a few of my first entries.  Who is that person?  That’s not me.  I felt like I was reading someone elses words.  How could I have been that manipulated, that dumb, that naive? I told her that no matter what anyone says to her SIL, it will take her to turn herself around, to build herself back up again.  She is broken……as I once was.

I spoke of my husband, I am more in love than I could ever imagine.  He is good, to me, for me.  I am so grateful, so very grateful that I have him.  I was telling her about the little things he does, I know I was glowing, my mouth was starting to ache from grinning so much. 

Why do people, like the old me, like my sister, like so many others, allow themselves to feel loved by negative things?  I truly wish I could point to My Stephen and something would click in their heads, without saying anything, they would just know they could do better. I wish.

I know I dont always show him how much I love and appreciate him, but I do.  I know I’m not always nice to him but Im trying.  Infact, twice this weekend I got angry and blew up on him, but I didnt let it last long, its not worth it, I love him and I dont want to be angry, I dont want to fight.

I wonder what our babies will look like……….

I really feel like I am becoming someone new.  I’m feeling a bit more at peace with myself, with my life.