9/15/23- We don’t have to do anything, I enjoy sitting in silence.

Sometimes I feel like I take for granted what I have. But, to be fair, I don’t have much. I had to stop living with my mother because she was a neglectful narcissist, my father lives in Sweden, and I don’t talk much to my other family, and sometimes it seems like I’m by myself, just trying to get through high school the best I can.  Right now, all I have is my sister, her husband, and my niece. Tonight, my sister and her husband had a spat, so I sat in her bedroom with her and her daughter. I was lying there, and for the most part, it was silence while we scrolled on our phones, but I love these moments. When I can just appreciate the presence of someone I trust without having to say much. It’s a rare feeling, and when it comes, I have to treasure it. When she sits with me during dinner in the kitchen, it’s special. We don’t talk much, we just eat together, but it feels like we’re talking. I could never tell her this, she’d probably poke fun at me for it, but I’ll secretly appreciate moments like this. It makes me feel less alone, while also not being pressured to say anything. It’s the safest I’ve felt in awhile, and I’m thankful for my sister.

It’s hard to realize how good I have it now, compared to what I did many months ago. I’m not nearly as grateful as I could be, but there’s a part of me that’s grateful enough, and that part of me made me write this.

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