אני קושית יפה/I’m a Cute Black Girl Pg 105 (Where I am, Right Now!)

So I am working in a job that I am not really loving right now…funny how in the Rabbi’s derasha tonigth he spoke about avidut, which means …comes from the route world avodah, which means …and honestly I feel as if my job is like slavery.

Had my performance appraisal today….and I wasn’t expecting anything amazing……anyway the issues my manager has with me…

 (Okay, I know that being a problem is weird, but hear me out)

I like to get to work early so I can prepare for work and relax and allow myself enough time to do other things before work. Turns out as soon as I get to work I am supposed to work regardless if that is before my shift starts. I should take my lunch break precisely. I should return to work as soon as I have finished eating, so even though I am allowed 1hr break, I should just eat and get back to work.

 Okay fair enough…I have lost a lot of weight and so the clothes I have are too big for me and buying clothes aind a cheap thing and also not something I can do every month.

People have been mentioning how I have lost a lot more weight recently but when I looked at a post from September 2024 I have only lost 1kg. But I guess I need to get the clothes I have now made smaller and get new clothes so I look more presentable at work.

Oaky so some other stuff was mentined in the appraisal but the just of it is that more is exoected and wanted from me. So I am thinking how I need to find a way to be better suitable for my position and possibly becoming store manager in a few months. I mean that is the end goal… Not really…I don’t want to work retail! I thought I left retail work 10+ years ago.

 Until tonight I thought it was always just something to do with working in an office and possibly accounting or something that was just a Monday – Friday (9 am – 5pm) job…but at shul tonight I realised that I think I want to work somewhere that is related to Judaism. So basically in a Jewish Org. I want to make my home and life more Jewish. Not Orthodox Jewish…but Jewish in the sense that my home was filled with more Jewish Ritual Items…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  But I would like to get a Blue and White one too.

  But since it isn’t from where I work, I cannot wear it, so saving up to buy one that my work sells.

 

  Just need to get the prayer for it and need to put it up on my front door…and of course I would like to get more for the other rooms in my flat. To be honest I have been keeping my mezuzzah in its box to put up in my new house which I keep dreaming about and have yet to get.

   I am reading one and my husband was reading the other… you know the disinterest that my husband has towards being a part of my shul life does get to me…  …I do feel very alone with my Jewish Walk. At the beginning when I convereted he was very involved. But now I am doing my Jewish Walk on my own and don’t have anyone to share my Jewish Thoughts and Life with. I don’t regret converting…but I do regret marrying him…but that is for a lot of other reasons too.

 

   I could get more Challah Covers, and one for Matzah.

While looking up the various Jewish Traditional Items, I came across something that I think is what is lacking in my marriage,

We have got a ‘Marriage License’, but it has never been prosessed since my husband’s ID has been duplicated and Home Affairs hasn’t rectified it etc…so he isn’t my husband legally….but what is more than that is that I don’t think we every agreed on what we are marrying into. People say that it is my duty as the wife to  and  and  …but no one ever really tells me what his duty is…I mean he tells me but fails to actually do them.

 (I do that)

 (I do that…well he makes sure the door is locked but I make sure that everything for the flat is taken care of)

 (well should we be blessed to have kids one day, I am pretty sure I will have to see to their needs and school fees being paid)

Basically, I think I need to be stern with him and let him know what I expect orhe must see himself out.

Okay, I am getting tired but this isn’t over.