And now…

For the past 2 days…well since the lock out…neither of us have spoken to each other, well I haven’t spoken to him and he has kept to himself until today. While I was at work he sent me WhatsApp messages.

Acting as if everything is alright. He tells me some positive changes with his work.
I want to be so supportive and cheer him on, but this is how the cycle normally is. And I don’t want that anymore.

Again I have been thinking about getting out and just being independent…and on my own and being happy all the time. But now with he has told me I am happy for him and see a possible positive change in us…but for how long? And let’s not forget the following….

1) he locked me out and was too passed out to hear me calling and knocking

2) he lied to me that same night.

– he claimed he had never put the latch down

– and when I came home and went to the kitchen I saw something that I have shouted at him about countless times and he has had an excuse and apology that I have somewhat accepted but I cannot handle what he did that night.
In the sink on top of dishes and mixed with sink water was a whole lot of ashes…he had clearly smoked out the kitchen window and I have told him not to smoke in the house. When I confronted him he blankly lies and tells me he never smoked.

3) His drinking. Everyday I see packets from the liquor store. When I turn in my bed and we happen to face the same way he blows vodka smelling air in my face. When I wake up the whole bedroom wreaks of booze. I mean this isn’t normal!!

I am sitting I my car now, parked in the promenade parking lot and dreading going home to him.

This isn’t the life I deserve. This isn’t the life I survived a car accident and a minor attempted suicide for.

If only I could win this weekend!! Please Powers that Be bless me with the winnings!!