I am Exhausted With Life…

For the last few weeks I have been working retail…

I love the whole being around people….hut hate how I am working on my feet everyday and everyday is a work day and the shifts are shit…one day I start work at 8:30 and work too 16:00 then the next day I start at 13:30 and work too 21:30 and then the next day at 8:30 again and then maybe next day at 10:30 too 16:30 and only get 1 day off in between working straight for 4-5 days. So I plan and plan to do so much on my off day or day I start late but I am so tired that I just don’t want to do anything….

And while I am trying to figure out work and what to do next and trying to understand all that I must do and get right…I have the stresses of figuring my out how I am going to make my income and the lil my husband contributes towards our home meet all the expenses.

Electricity is going up in April

Levies are going up in March

…so that means Petrol and Groceries and everything else will be going up too and salaries will be staying the same even though they already aren’t enough to meet living n costs….well at least not my living costs and I don’t want to or not how I will live a cheaper lifestyle when I feel as if I am already.

Last night I applied for other jobs and I am praying something comes along but I feel bad about leaving this retail job again should something come along and I am also scared that a new job is not guaranteed and so a few months down the line I may be left in the same position as I was in January.

Ideally I would wake up to an sms saying that I won the Lotto and Powerball. I pray for some capital to make a real and good change to my community and my life.

This whole weekend I have been wanting to just run to my dad and cry in his arms. I miss my mom too.

This life sucks and I need to make a change to start living it better.