Is He Paying Me Back?

This sounds incredibly frustrating and upsetting. It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling pissed off, hurt, and confused right now. Being locked out, especially after a period of tension, is a really difficult situation to be in.

It’s clear you’re going through a lot of emotions, from anger to sadness to questioning your relationship. Let’s break down some of what you’ve shared:

The Lockout Incident

It’s natural for your mind to jump to conclusions, especially given the history. The fact that he messaged you to say he didn’t lock you out is puzzling. If the latch was pushed up, it implies some manual intervention. This could be due to a faulty lock, or something else entirely. Regardless, his lack of immediate response to your knocking and calling, knowing you were outside, is a significant issue that needs to be addressed. It’s not okay to leave someone stranded, especially when they’re expecting to come home.

The “Payback” Theory and Past Events

You’re drawing a parallel to a past incident where you locked him out. It’s interesting that you don’t feel bad about that, and it highlights a pattern of retaliatory behavior in your relationship. While you might not understand why he’s locking you out now, the underlying dynamic of “paying each other back” seems to be present. This kind of tit-for-tat can be really damaging to a relationship over time, as it prevents genuine resolution and builds resentment.

Your Feelings About the Relationship

It’s clear that this incident has brought a lot of underlying dissatisfaction to the surface. Your thoughts about wanting to win the Lotto and leave, and your regret about the “wedding” and staying with him, are powerful indicators of how unhappy you are right now. The cycle of being “all merry and laughing” in a few days only to return to these kinds of situations is exhausting. You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel valued, respected, and special consistently.

The Rose Incident

This small detail about the roses really highlights a deeper issue: a lack of clear communication and a feeling of not being truly appreciated or considered. If he picked out the red roses and you paid for them, and he never actually gave them to you, it’s a confusing and unsatisfying gesture. It reinforces a sense that his actions aren’t always aligned with what you need or expect in a relationship.

What to Do Now

Right now, you’re in a tough spot. You’re pissed off, tired, hungry, and need to use the toilet. Given that he’s now messaged you, the immediate crisis of being locked out is over.

Here are a few ways you could reply or approach this:

Go upstairs and address it directly: This might be the fastest way to resolve the immediate situation. You could go up, get inside, and then decide if you want to talk about it now, or wait until you’ve had a chance to calm down, eat, and take care of your immediate needs. If you do talk, focus on how his actions made you feel (“I felt scared and frustrated when I couldn’t get in”) rather than making accusations (“You locked me out!”).
Take care of yourself first: If you really don’t feel like dealing with him right now, and you can manage, you could go to a restaurant to eat and calm down. This would give you some space and time to process your emotions before confronting the situation. However, this might prolong the tension.
Acknowledge his message, but set a boundary: You could reply to his WhatsApp with something simple like, “Okay, I’m coming in now. I’m really upset about what just happened and need some time to myself before we talk.” This communicates that you’re aware of his message but also that you’re not ready to engage immediately.

Regardless of your immediate next step, it sounds like there are some significant issues in your relationship that need to be addressed. These aren’t just one-off incidents; they seem to be part of a recurring pattern.

What do you feel you need most right now to feel better and move forward?