Just Got Paid…
Just a moment of sigh…when the bank account is full again…but then you keep hearing those notifications letting you know that a debit order has just gone off…then you think of all the meds you have to get and the petrol you need to fill up your car for the next few weeks…and don’t even get me started about grovery shopping…and then birthday presents…and…and…and… and the new month hasn’t even started yet and you are back to… 
Well we now both get paid on the last working day of the month…which does kinda suck, as we gotta scrub the bottom of the barrel together, as suppose to lean on each other when the other is down…
. Okay emotionally he does lift me up and carry me through but in terms of logistics and finance I am the one that has to figure it all out and make it work and yes he does help out but that is about it unless I am really begging him.
So when he got paid he did help me out with my car sorted and he contributed what he deemed was his fair contribution towards the flat. 
in a period of 3 days he has drunk 3 bottles of 
and has shut me up by buying me 
this weekend he has been so demanding of my attention and wanting me to hug him and kiss him…and of course wanting SEX…but this weekend a visitor arrived and the last thing I want right now is deal with his needs, while having to juggle finances and deal with my cramps and stresses…
Oh btw came to visit.
It sure has been awhile since I have posted anything…and I had lots to post but right now all I can think about are the cramps I am getting…oh and how a piece of chocolate would do so well right now.
Anyway…he got his car back on Friday…it is parked outside on the street…so every 5 minutes he will open the curtains and either blow a kiss at it…or marvel at how beautiful something is…and then smirk that is his car.
OOh…I just thought of a good thing about him being passed out in bed right now…and that is that I finally get some free time to post in this secret diary that I have, that I haven’t told him about and I sure do doubt he knows anything about.
You know that other day he send me a 
documentary about hos fraudulent the South African Lotto/Powerball is. Now I have always know how it was to some extent…but watching the first few seconds of the video did scare me. Maybe it is just wishfull thining but I really do wish I would win a nice sum to fulfil my true wishes and desires.
Today I was walking in the shopping centre…and a man (I assume father) was pushing a lil todder in his pram and he looked at me and waved his fist so I gave him a HUGE smile and wave back…the father laughed as he walked past me and I jsut wanted to burst into tears.
I am 39 years olf + a week…and I am really not happy with the life that I am living.