Session 2

While I wasn’t very much in the mood to meet with the marriage counsellor, my husband was…and so we kept to our appointments and went.

I hate talking about myself and I hate asking for help…

So I spoke about how I want my husband to be more involved in our relationship and with all the pressures and daily routines and bills etc. I went on further and spoke about how all the pressures of the house and finances and everything is a huge reason why I had an emotional break down, earlier this year, which resulted in me spending a week at a Clinic. I did tell her how at that time I had taken myself off my anti deps, and how that was also a contribution to my break down.

My session was rather short…instead of an hour it was a lil over 35 minutes…but I am glad we went.

In the end she stressed how I need to speak up and let him in on everything that goes on in my head and heart.

He briefly told me how he spoke about the time when he moved down to Cape Town to be with me and how he had no job and so I handled everything…Kinda Funny How I Mentioned That too in My Session… so anyway he went on to tell me how he knows he needs to start actually being part of this relationship and he needs to take on more responsibility.

Today is a Public Holiday in South Africa and he told me how he spoke to the therapist about how his norm for public holidays is to braai and drink and drink and drink…so he feels a lil weird how he isn’t doing that today, but he is proud of himself…and so am I. I should tell him that.

Apparently we both spoke to her about how we can both be okay with just each other’s company and spend days doing nothing, and just watch tv. So it has been decided that from now on we are going to get out more and actually make the effort to do something.

I am telling myself not to be so naïve and to be prepared for it all to come crumbling down and for things to go back to how it is always been…me crying, me stressing about finances, him drinking, me binging on junk…but a huge part of me is optimistic and thinking that we are on the right track and that we can do this.

Marriage is hard work and it requires a lot of dedication and resilience to pull it through all the bad times. For a long time I had my heads in the clouds and just thought that marriage was all about rainbows, birds singing, sunshine and pillow fights…But I have to grow up and know that there will be tears and struggles. He needs to learn to be someone I can rely on and I need to learn to rely on him.

Talking about ‘Relying‘ – I brought up how I know I can trust my husband with everything but I cannot trust him enough to rely on him. She agreed about that being a problem but she told me that some marriages are able to work through that and reach a stage where that is possible for me to feel like I can rely on him, and although many relationships may fail because of that it doesn’t mean that mine will now too.

Okay, I got to get back to making supper…but for now I am feeling good!