Too Much to Juggle!

Tried talking to my husband this morning but he is so set in what he said and for some strange reason claims to have not said some things and claims that he was being ‘Sarcastic’ when he said I was ignorant for not understanding what he was saying to me in Zulu. He also is adamant that I never thanked him for the Yellow Roses. That I know if BS, because my parents brought me up with manners and I thank everyone for their good deeds to me, regardless of how I may feel towards him or the gift.

Now I am just thinking of weathering the storm until things get better and we can talk or make peace or something good happens. Maybe I will hold off until I have had the operation and will feel more confident with myself to actually get out and be out and discover me without him.

Anyway so today I started my diet and been drinking lots of water and barely eating today besides the Shake. And I am so hungry! I just want to cave in today and eat something more filling, even if it may be unhealthy. It wouldn’t be so bad to slip just today and pick myself up again tomorrow.

Aaah…there is a slab of chocolate in the fridge and I so want it! I think I am gonna just break off a few blocks….no! I am not going to do it! I need to be strong and see this through!! Fuck!! This is so hard and sucks! But in December for my father’s 80th Bday I want to wear this dress, that is too small for me and I have never worn it. So I think I need to loose about 20 kg. Okay maybe not so much but I think it would be good to have it taken in a lil when it is a lil too big for me. OOh I need new shoes for them too…but will wait for summer stock and a lighter body to strut in heels.

My Bio mother phones me. She has a new number so I didn’t pick up it was her, until I heard her voice. So 3+ weeks ago when I spoke to her she needed money for HappyFreeConfused. Then last week she needed money for Vimland

Today she guilts me into giving her money for a heater. She tells me that the heater she had just broke. I told her I was busy and will make a plan later….so she tells me… My Witcher

Today I had a zoom meeting with a Financial Advisor and I am Virtually Meeting with another one on Thursday…but right now I could seriously use the extra income to keep going. My Husband wants me to give him 3k to trade with. My Bio Mother needs a new heater. I have all these doctors to see for my operation. Fuel is ridiculously expensive, which means food is pricey (thankfully for now I am just eating veg and a Protein Shake) but everyone wants something from me and it is just so exhausting!!

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August 8, 2022

It sounds as though your mom is very manipulative. She seems to be guilt-tripping you into feeling bad for her, so you will give her money. That’s just how it comes across.

August 8, 2022

She has always been like that with me when it comes to money. But she has never been that bad. The worse she has ever done has gotten her granddaughter to milk me. Well in all fairness the last few weeks have been real gold in South Africa, so I get her needing some warmth. But she could hear I was stressed out, she asked me what was wrong, and then she goes on about how her Grant from the government is only giving her R 1800 and that goes to rent and blah blah blah. I am like fuck!